As mentioned in my previous post on dating, I have gone on a few tinder dates and due to my disappointment, I deleted the Tinder app. However, I did keep interacting with one guy that I had previously connected with on Tinder before deleting it. To this date, I have gone on three dates with him and I recently queried my Snapchat followers on whether I should continue interacting with him or “go ghost on him” which means deleting his number and never answering his texts (the adult version of “playing dead” haha).
One of my complaints of the guy, who happens to be Nigerian but speaks with a British accent for some reason, is that he is not chivalrous. Example A, for the past three dates, I have always put my card on the table after the bill comes and he never stops me, like a normal African would. Like, African men are so chivalrous when it comes to paying for dates that even if you’re not dating them, they still will. For example, one of my good Nigerian guy friends always pays for my movie ticket when we go to the cinema despite the fact that he’s too young for me and we’ll never date.
So I was very perplexed, when this guy continued to let my pay my way for the dates. Don’t get me wrong, I am a feminist and which is why I don’t assume that he’ll pay for me. However, for African dating, the expectation is that the man will usually pay for dates, at least during the initial encounters. An African guy (raised in America) on my Snapchat, brought up an interesting point that Tinder is not for courting; it was created for hookups and therefore, a guy should not be expected to be chivalrous.
I do not agree with the point he raised as my one of my first dates on Tinder was very romantic (picture me and the guy watching the beautiful Boston skyline by the Charles River). To add to this, imagine the guy opening my car door and allowing me to get in and out before he closes it for me. I didn’t expect this from him but this just goes to show that there are men out there who are on Tinder but are still chivalrous. To add insult to injury for this unchivalrous Nigerian man, when he dropped me off at my house, he didn’t even wait for me to get in the house before speeding off. That is what hit the nail on the coffin for me. Even Uber drivers have the courtesy to wait for girls to get in the house before driving off. I think it is one of the things that can show you how caring a man is. So with his repertoire of lack of chivalry and caring for my safety, I bid the Nigerian guy fare well and he marks the end of my Tinder dating.
Recently, I read a magazine article featuring Priyanka Chopra who is 34 years old, amazingly beautiful (she won Miss World in 2000), and is surprisingly single. When asked about her yearn to get married, she replied that she doesn’t force relationships to happen as most of her life success and where she is now has happened due to serendipity. So for her, there’s no point in stressing about a man; he’ll come into her life when he’s meant to come. That thought process put me even more at ease about being single. I am not going to date anyone for the sake of dating: that’s a waste of my time. So here’s to waiting for Mr. Right!
P.S. I know everyone’s theory on chivalry is different, so feel free to comment with your thoughts about my experiences or yours.