Women are the champagne in the glass while men are like the cherry on top”. Zari said this when on a girl date with Khanyi when Khanyi asked her about her relationship with her baby daddy Diamond Platnumz and other men. Zari is known for being a boss lady and I totally agree with this quote. It’s the more classy way of saying what Beyonce what trying to encapsulate in her “Who runs the world? Girls” song. In some creation stories, woman is created second but clearly out of necessity because man could clearly not flourish alone. The woman was needed to create more life and beauty in the world. Men, don’t fret. Cherries are nice to have around as well 🙂
When you’re powerful and confident, expect haters. Zari the boss lady shows up in Episode 2 but steals the show from that point as in Episode 1, Khanyi was trying to be the queen of the squad. In my opinion, Zari is the most attractive woman on the show and has a bit more class because she is a businesswoman even though she may have started as a “well kept” woman by marrying for money. Is Zari perfect? No. She can definitely be a little over-flirtatious but she owns who she is. She has that “take or leave it” vibe which you can only have if you are very confident in yourself and to be honest, isn’t that how we should all be?
Apologizing is not a sign of weakness. I will applaud the male Young, Famous, and African stars on the show because they really don’t have a lot of drama because they know how to apologize. This is especially evident on the show when DJ Naked apologizes to Swanky, the best stylist in Africa, about a shouting match that occurred where DJ Naked was supporting Zari in her fight with Swanky and Khanyi over some rudeness that Zari had felt from Khanyi while Zari was trying to give a speech. These men had been involved in a fight that wasn’t even about them which goes to show that women are definitely the bubbly champagne that fizzes up sometimes while men try to float above the drama. So in that case, we definitely need women for reality TV.
Don’t be too friendly with other people’s spouses. I’ve definitely been a victim of this because if I’m at a party, I usually try to talk to both male and female party attendees. As mentioned before, Zari is a bit flirtatious and at one point, she pulls 2Face Idibia aside to talk to him privately while his wife Annie is also at the party. To me and his wife, this seemed unnecessary and rude. Annie goes to interrupt their private conversation and Zari tells her that she is “insecure” in front of her husband. From that point on, there’s a war between Annie and Zari. When 2Face Idibia re-proposes to Annie after years of cheating, Annie decides not to invite Zari to her vow renewal ceremony. To be honest, I don’t blame Annie in this situation. I think Zari has to learn the line between being friendly and being overly flirtatious.
How you dress can be one of the easiest ways to express yourself. As mentioned before, Swanky is a top fashion stylist and how he dresses lets you know that this man is creative, confident, and daring. His looks alone are so unique yet so cool that you probably have never seen anyone wear the outfits he puts together. The way Zari dresses exudes class and maturity. The way Khanyi dresses shows off the plastic surgery augmentations that she has. The way Nadia dresses expresses her young, “crazy, sexy, and cool” vibe. I don’t really like how Annie dresses because most of her clothes are ill-fitting or just too “avant-garde” in my opinion. I really liked the suit that DJ Naked wore when they had rented out a train for a 48-hour retreat and had a casino night inside the train. DJ Naked’s girlfriend is probably the least affluent person on the show and she dresses pretty well for her budget which I respect because designer labels don’t make an outfit. You can wear a $50 outfit and still look better than someone who spent $5,000.
Don’t date out of boredom. I think Diamond Platnumz really dates out of boredom because he doesn’t really seem to have any dating criteria. The man doesn’t even know “for sure” if he has 5 or 6 children. He speculates that he may have fathered some children but doesn’t seem to put much effort in figuring out if those children are really his. So far, we know that he has 3 baby mamas: Zari, Donna Tanasha, and Hamisa Bometo. In his speculation, he says some other women have told his mother that they may have children for him. That is a total hot mess and shows a person who is not doing his “level best” to protect himself from women who want to use him for child support. He’s definitely not a victim though as he has cheated on women whom he was in serious relationships with such as Zari who he had a four-year relationship that ended in divorce as well as Tanasha who ended their engagement due to infidelity as well. It is clear on the show that Diamond may still have feelings for Zari even though he dates other women. And Zari makes it clear that she loves to co-parent with Diamond but he is no longer a romantic interest due to his inability to “hold her down”. As such, Diamond is out in these streets dating out of boredom because the woman he probably wants doesn’t want him anymore or she’s teaching him a lesson. Either way, it makes for good reality TV.
Keeping tabs on your man and dismissing it as “checking on your property” is not cute. In fact, the word “insecure” that Zari used is the most appropriate here. Should have Zari communicated that to Annie’s face, especially in front of her husband? No! But is the word “insecure” the most fitting? Hell Yes! If you have to go online to check what your husband is doing because he is famous or look through his phone because he is a commoner, then you’re in the wrong relationship. I am so glad 2face apologized to Annie for his misdeeds and proposed to renew their vows. But honey! This man has fathered 5 children outside of his marriage. Some women are clearly built different because I don’t know how someone can continue to disrespect you like that and you continue to stay. Sure you said vows that said “till death do us part” but someone would be metaphorically dead to me if they mishandled our marriage like that. I also do make a distinction between emotional and physical cheating but if you’re physically cheating, then maybe one should make sure that nobody gets pregnant? But let me get off my high horse and let people live their lives. Do you boo 🙂 ❤
Black is King. A simple three-word phrase that is synonymous with Beyoncé telling us fellow Black humans that we are glorious. In fact, she says “let Black be synonymous with glory.” If we focus on just glorifying blackness at the root, then she did that. But if we think about blackness as a big oak tree rather than a root, then she only scratched the surface. And she scratched that surface beautifully, might I add. With her beautiful rhythm of dance, color in super HD quality, regal hairstyles, and the celebration of black bodies, she did that exceedingly beautifully. However, what missed the mark for me was that the Black is King story focused on Africa. Yes, the Lion King is African and blackness as well as humanity originates in Africa but the Africa she chose to focus on was historical Africa instead of showcasing present-day Africa as well.
This is evident in the focus on historic Egyptian headpieces and traditional hairstyles such as those seen below.
It is also evident in the landscapes chosen as the backdrops chosen for the Black is King film which present Africa as just beautiful Natural Geographic worthy scenes without showcasing the developed cityscapes of Africa. Again, I do think that her point was to show historic Africa rather than present-day Africa so I can understand that vision. However, I am sure Beyoncé does not in the bushes when she visits African countries so why not the 5-star African hotels that she probably frequents. Why not show the Africa that exists today? Why not show landscapes different from what National Geographic shows already? Sure, adding her body and several dancers couples with great costumes does show a different perspective but this vision could have been bigger. Even the movie Black Panther tried to connect Africa with African Americans in the end with the scene shot in Compton. On the same note, I think Beyoncé could have tried to connect more dots in the film Black is King. Black is not just King when it relates to Africa. Black is King in the NBA, in the NFL, in music, in educational excellence, and the list goes on. People might say I am missing the point of the film but please think about the fact that Beyoncé’s last three tours did not include any African countries. So with that record, I can see how people can interpret that Beyoncé doesn’t truly care about Africa and is just using African culture for capitalistic gain. However, I do have to applaud her for her effort in glorifying Blackness. I did feel proud to be black while watching Black is King so if that was her mission then she achieved it. However, if she was trying to make a statement on Africa then she definitely missed that mark. Let me remind you that Africa is a continent made up of 54 countries. Fifty-Four. So maybe we are asking too much from Beyoncé in representing Africa cohesively. Maybe we should not expect that a film that is one hour and 25 minutes long can do so much for us. With that said, maybe we should just appreciate Black is King for what it is: a film with impeccable costumes, storytelling, and rhythm in dance as well as music.
The music is actually my favorite part about Black is King with “Find your way back” as my top song pick. I also appreciate that Beyoncé made an effort to collaborate with African musicians such as Yemi Alade, Shatta Wale, and Wizkid. While the representation of Africa was not cohesive, I found the music to be well organized. I think great music is what we can truly expect from the multi-Grammy award-winning artists that Beyoncé is and she did that beautifully. So Beyoncé, please don’t go chasing waterfalls the next time you’re in Africa. We’ve seen enough African waterfalls. Show us something different. Please and Thank you.
I personally composed the song and arranged the chords. Emotions were inspired by a long-distance relationship. The song style was inspired by Lianne La Havas, Etta James and Nina Simone. My singing lessons provided by my schoolmate and friend Rasaanh Matra definitely helped. Check out his youtube at the following link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFPFJ070IZvEaGYFpkTeiOw
Music has definitely made this quarantine time easier to endure. I’ve played guitar with my neighbor while maintaining six feet and wearing a mask in his luscious backyard. Singing in the car on the way to and from work is always refreshing. We also did karaoke for mother’s day and that was very entertaining. I hope you all find music that speaks to your soul and whatever situation you are facing 🙂 ❤
Hello old friends. I am sorry to have kept you waiting on this post about how our childhood impacts our romantic relationships. I have been working full time and the motivation to do anything productive is low during a time where our cities have turned into sleepy towns. This week I watched an interview of a Kenyan female songstress, Tanasha Donna, talking about her rocky romance with Tanzanian male musician, Diamond Platnumz. One of the things she talked about is realizing that her man was in love with the idea of her but not with who she really is. Long story short, they had a baby together last year and recently broke up due to him cheating on her. Her ex-boyfriend is well known for being a mama’s boy by the way and it seems he did not have a strong father figure in his life. So before we break this down further, let me reintroduce the theory that Oprah Winfrey shared on her podcast about how we try to recreate our childhood with the people we love romantically (see previous blog post for further detail on this theory and a link to the podcast).
If we apply this theory to Diamond Platnumz, it is possible that he is looking for a woman like his mother and he does not think he has found that woman yet. But let me tell you why men can get lost with this idolization of their mothers. Number #1, no one is perfect not even your mother. That is a tough pill to swallow for most men so they choose to have this idea in their head of who their mother is and then project that on the women they date. Number #2 no woman or man will ever be as patient with you as your mother so stop looking for that. But men who have not emotionally matured expect unrealistic levels of patience from their partner. It gets even worse when they do stupid things like, cheat to test this patience. In essence, they want you to accept their cheating to prove that you are a ride-of-die. Only a mother can love a cheat, a thief, and a liar so men please stop with this foolishness.
Now, women, I have not forgotten about us. In her interview, Tanasha talks about how she was doing everything to try to make things work and was not thinking logically about the relationship. She said that she lost herself in the relationship. In examining Tanasha’s background, she grew up with a step-dad instead of her real father. Therefore, she may be unconsciously attracted to men that are either similar to her father or step-dad. Or she may have been looking for a man to fill that void in her life. Either way, she admits that she listened to her heart a lot of times when she should have been listening to her brain. If a man shows you he does not respect you repeatedly then it is time to be brave enough to leave. I am glad that she seems really strong about the entire experience. She says that she does not regret any of her romances as she always chooses to learn from them.
I feel like I have to end with the disclaimer that this theory does not apply to all men or women especially if you have thought critically about your childhood and your romantic life. To be a little bit personal, my worst heartbreak occurred because I felt like I had fallen in love with this idea of who I thought the guy I was dating was and he had done the same in idolizing me. So I feel like getting to know someone very well in the courting phase can really prevent a lot of heartbreak because you do not want to wake up 10 years from now lying next to someone you don’t know that well. But before I let you go; men, please stop trying to find the equivalent of your mom in the dating world. And women please stop trying to raise a grown man. Send him back to his mama. 🙂 ❤
The past few weeks amid this coronavirus crisis have reminded me one thing: how to not overcomplicate life. We all have so many desires, expectations, and goals that we sometimes forget to live for today, for now. I am writing this after learning that one of my family friends has passed away in a tragic manner. At this time, we are so focused on not being infected with coronavirus that we forget that people are still dying in other ways. Someone probably died from a heart attack today, another probably from drowning, and others from several freak accidents that happen every day. However, we forget this and continue to live life in our bubble. We take our life for granted and focus on myriad issues like petty work drama.
I hope that this coronavirus downtime teaches us to focus on what really matters: our heart, mind, and spirit. Do more of what makes you happy. Since some of us may be stuck indoors during this time, try a new hobby like meditation, drawing, or writing music. I would suggest cooking but I wouldn’t want you to end up eating all of your quarantine groceries. I have started listening to podcasts on the way home from work since we healthcare workers still have to report to duty. The last podcast I listened to was Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations, specifically the one where she interviews a self-help author Harville Hendrix about how we look for partners based on our childhood relationships with our parents. I will like to dive deeper into this topic in a future post but in the meantime, please listen to the podcast when you get a chance. I’ll post the link to the website where you can listen to it for free below. I wish you peace, love, and happiness during this time as always 🙂 ❤
As the wise Bob Marley once said — ‘The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” Bob Marley has numerous great quotes from his interviews and even more from his music. This one is somewhat of a paradox though especially considering that he had 9 children from 7 different women. So if Bob really believed and lived by his quote, that would mean he actually loved all those seven women. And maybe, it is possible that some people are able to love more than one woman equally. However, it seems that his wife Rita Marley also had a child from another man during an affair. So from my basic analytic skills, either Bob and Rita were hippies who freed each other of possession by loving others or they just had the same marital problems that most people have. Either way, I am sure they had love for one another. And Bob Marley will never be seen as a coward because he took care of all his children. He clearly set a good example for them as they all followed his footsteps in music. Also, quite a number of his children are happily married with children so the value of family was not lost on them.
But besides Bob Marley, let us dig into that quote a bit further. There are some men out there who get satisfaction from getting a woman’s number and keeping her wanting him for the sole purpose of an ego trip. Some men just want to be wanted. And once they feel wanted, they leave because the woman has been “conquered”. I have been fortunate enough not to deal with too many of these types but recently, it clicked in my head that one of the guys I’ve dated in the past might have this problem. And just for disclaimer purposes, people are complicated. Sometimes, someone is acting elusive after you gain interest in them because they are afraid of deep connection. You never know what that person has been through. But I will say this, please search within yourself if this behavior describes so that you can figure out why you do this. If you frequently end up on the short end of the stick with someone dropping you as soon as you gain interest, then learn to identify the signs of these emotionally unavailable people.
I will admit that I have been emotionally unavailable before and still ventured out in the dating world. However, I would disclose my emotional state to the other person if somebody gained interest in me. So, I think love is really about honesty and trying to do right by someone. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Be true to yourself and the other person. If your emotional states don’t mesh well, then move on. If Bob Marley was able to find 7 different women to have kids with, I am sure that there is somebody out there for you (if not multiple people, haha). 🙂 ❤
I would like to start this movie review by saying that people should seriously consider watching foreign films if they haven’t already. I love Indian movies particularly and of course, Kenyan movies make me feel like I am home. From the beautiful shots of the capital city Nairobi to the eye candy actors/actresses, the following Kenyan movies are Hollywood quality in my opinion. Maybe we need to coin a new term “Kenwood” or “Kenywood”. Anyway, while we keep brainstorming on a possible name, let me convince you why the following three movies are worth your time. Because as we know, time is money.
I just watched this captivating movie this December and it stars one of my favorite Kenyan actors: the oh-so-handsome and talented, Nick Mutuma. I am sure we will see Nick in Hollywood one day because he’s just that good and he is consistent in You Again where he plays a character who is unemployed due to being fired from his last job. Similarly, his ex-girlfriend from college finds herself looking for work. Coincidentally, they both found work at the same place. The problem is that they can’t stand each other’s gusts. As such, their attitudes towards each other may put their careers in jeopardy unless they resolve their issues. The ex-girlfriend role is played by newcomer Mimi Mars who does a great job executing the tom-boy role. She is also a woman of principle which is why the movie is not your typical romantic comedy. It touches on serious issues such as inequality in the workplace specifically how women are treated as wallflowers that are just supposed to sit there and look pretty. If I were to rate this movie, I would give it 4/5 stars as the supporting characters also did a wonderful job in adding humor and charm to the movie. It is also a family-friendly movie that could be watched with parents and children alike. So without further ado, please see the link below to watch this entertaining movie for free:
As you can tell from the title Plan B, someone will be getting pregnant in this movie. What I love most about this film is that it is pan-African with a Nigerian producer (Lowla-Dee) and while most of the actors are Kenyan, the male stare Daniel Etim Effiong is a very talented Nigerian actor. His character acts tough and dismissive until Sarah Hassan’s character softens him up. Again this story isn’t just a romantic comedy as it highlights legal issues such as paternity, single-parent upbringing, and child support. It also shows a bit of Kenya’s music scene and urban environment. I love the ending but of course, I won’t ruin it for you. From what I remember, the movie does not display nudity so I would give this movie a G-rating for family friendliness. This movie is also free so please check it out below:
This movie also stars Nick Mutuma but with a different love interest played by Brenda Wairimu. It explores such topics as the friend-zone, cheating, and depression. Nick is the ever supporting friend who exceedingly cares for his female best friend Brenda. Despite this seemingly predictable set-up of a romantic comedy, the ending of the movie is actually surprising. There is also some diversity as one of the characters in the film is of Indian descent as Kenya is actually habited by many different cultures. Also, Brenda’s character is a dentist and who doesn’t love beautiful independent women. In the spirit of independence and supporting actors, this movie is actually for rent on Vimeo for only $3.99. The movie does have some sexual references so keep that in mind if watching it with family. It might be better to host a movie night with friends so you just pay $3.99 and split between your friends. The rental allows viewing for 48 hours so no worries if you get distracted during a Vimeo and chill situation *wink*wink* Either way, please check it out below:
I would like to start by saying thank you to my best friend for doing the most in planning her bachelorette week celebration in Orlando, Florida. My family and I went to Universal Studios and Sea World when I was a kid so I was mostly excited about Disney World. As the blog title suggests, Disney World is known as “the happiest place on earth”. It should also be known as one of the most expensive places on earth as a bottle of water is like $5 U.S. dollars but anyway it was worth it. The place is truly and utterly beautiful, especially the magic kingdom where the picture to the left is taken. On the first day, I dressed up in “Princess Jasmine” inspired attired with a matching crop top and pant set from Fashion Nova (I bought this last year so it may no longer be on their website). My second favorite place was Epcot which features several recreations of different cities around the world and world cuisine including Tusker from Kenya. Disclaimer: Epcot food can never live up to the original world cuisine but most of the curated items are tasty (see pic below).
The Magic Kingdom: A major part of what makes the magic kingdom so magical is the cinderella castle which is so captivating and which lights up at night. In addition, there is a fireworks show surrounding the castle at 9pm every night. And this is a fireworks show that you can actually write home about (case in point, this blog). I also loved pretending that I was Princess Jasmine when we found a bazaar that resembled those in the movie. (See pics below).
Finally, let’s not forget the main event which was my best friend’s bachelorette celebration. I had a really fun time being around her and the other bridesmaids. Disney has a lot to offer although their rides are not really scary. I can’t wait to continue the celebration at the wedding in less than 30 days. Woohoo! Cheers to the soon to be newlyweds! 🙂 ❤
I first realized that I struggle with anxiety when I was trying to plan a family dinner at a restaurant for mother’s day maybe 4 or 5 years ago. I had forgotten to make a reservation not realizing that the restaurant would be pretty busy because of course everybody takes their mother, auntie, sister, and grandmother out for such a holiday. So my family and I are waiting outside the restaurant waiting for our name to be called while my anxiety is building up such that I start calling other restaurants to try to make a quicker reservation. Basically, I wanted the day to go perfectly so that I did not disappoint my family and especially my mom. My older brother realized what I was doing and quickly asked me “you still get like that?” (alluding to my anxiety). Before he had mentioned it, I did not even realize I really had a problem or even a history of anxiety. But now that I look back, I realize that I had anxiety but I was not a chatty anxious person so people probably did not notice it (I could be wrong though).
In my journey of addressing my anxiety, I have learned that it is one of the top psychological disorders affecting youth in the U.S.A maybe even the world. Pretty much everybody suffers from some sort of anxiety. It is a normal human response to stressful situations. You can meet the most put together and seemingly laid back people who suffer from anxiety. Like most things, anxiety is on a spectrum from mild to crippling. If it’s crippling your life and preventing you from leaving your house, definitely seek professional help. I am fortunate enough to be able to lead a normal life with my anxiety. It always helps to have people who understand you by your side. Clearly, my older brother is that person for me as he helps me create logical steps towards my problems. My mother is a therapist and one of the things she has taught me is about the importance of breathing. Deep breaths can relax your body with such ease and they’re free as long as we don’t kill off all the trees (I think that rhymed by the way 🙂 ) My younger brother gives the best hugs in the world and my dad fixes most of my car related issues. Also, my 2 year old niece is just the cutest thing in the world and her fearless boss baby attitude continues to inspire me to be a lady boss. Bible scripture and inspiring quotes can also help set the tone of your day. For example, Proverbs 16:3 says “commit to the lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans”. Finally, playing tennis teaches me to focus on each point on its own without thinking about winning or losing the match. Each point is a small battle while the match is a big war and if you know anything about wars, they are won through consistency in small fights. So keep on fighting the good fight of your life (please, no Tyrese “I am fighting for my life” videos).
In summary, my advice is to find the people and things in your life that bring you peace or inspire you to overcome fear. Always remember what Nelson Mandela said, “the brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers that fear”. If a man who was in prison for 27 years for fighting for his people’s rights can say these words, then I believe they must be true. May we all face your fears. Literally, look at yourself in the mirror and see the Lion/Simba in you silencing the Scar in you with a growl/affirmation of power. Of course, you can also do this metaphorically if you’re not one for mirror pep talks with yourself. Either way, tell fear who is boss. You. You are your own boss. And for the days you feel like you are not, please listen to this song by Kiana Ledé that I think truly captures anxiety: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkLA0p4BTTs
I’ve been working on this song for about 2 months now and I finally recorded as I think there is nothing else to add. Adding some French to the song turned out beautifully and in the future, I would like to do a song in both English and Swahili. So more bilingual songs to come. FYI, the french words in the song are a translation of the English chorus.
I wanna know
I am looking for that sign
That green light
That tells me go
Or that red light
That tells me no
I wanna know
If this is real
If this is true
Me and you
Is this real?
Is this true?
I wanna know
Moi et toi
Est - ce vrais?
Je veux savoir
They say time will tell
If this love is a spell
Or if we both truly fell
So hold on to those wedding bells
Cause I wanna know
If this is real
If this is true
Me and you
Is this real?
Is this true?
I wanna know
Moi et toi
Est - ce vrais?
Je veux savoir
I wanna know
I wanna know