I want to start by saying that every autobiography of a successful person always emphasizes the value of hard work. I think it is somewhat implied in this summary especially in my first thing that I learned from Shonda Rhimes book, Year of Yes. So let’s dive right in.
Check yourself. Recognize what is holding you back in life. Are you comfortable in your unhealthy lifestyle where you put work first and yourself last? Do you not spend enough time with your family? Are you in unhealthy relationships just because you are afraid of being alone? Shonda shares that she was pretty antisocial and was more comfortable working with her imaginary characters, with her favorite being Cristina Yang from Grey’s Anatomy. It wasn’t until her older sister told her that she is afraid to say yes to things that she decided to dedicate a whole year to saying Yes. Throughout that year, she grew as a mother, friend, work mate, and most importantly as an individual.
Learn how to say NO. Essentially, say Yes to saying No. Before her Year of Yes, Shonda admits to finding it difficult to saying no to people. When people realize you don’t know how to say no, they start to take advantage of you. For example, think about the person that takes on extra work because everybody knows that he/she won’t say no. Don’t be that person. Learn how to set boundaries or you will find yourself drowning and the person responsible for the drowning will be you. I’ll end this with one of my favorite quotes: Don’t set yourself on fire trying to keep others warm- Penny Reid.
Know yourself and never compromise who you are for anyone. I do not want to ruin the book for anyone but I think it is common language that Shonda has not birthed any children. However, she does have 3 children. Like Oprah, she doesn’t really believe in marriage. Despite societal norms, she has come to accept that she doesn’t need a man in the picture to have kids or even to raise them. I am personally very option to adoption of children so I was glad to read about a woman who shares similar unconventional values.
Know what love means to you, including self-love. Yes, we should all love our bodies but what if we are in an unhealthy state? Should we not love our bodies enough to treat them as much care as we can. Shouldn’t we understand our unhealthy coping habits like eating lots of ice cream or drinking excessively, etc. Yes, I think a little bit of tough love can be self-love (like saying no to that extra piece of cake when our bodies are screaming yes). If somebody didn’t treat you right, you are quick to think they probably don’t love you. So when we are quick to trash our body, then we should recognize that we are not practicing self-love.
Find your gladiators and love the hell out of them. Your gladiators are the people that fight for you, root for you, and also put you in check when needed. They want nothing but the best for you. They do not limit you to who you are now. They see the best possible version of yourself and push you to strive for that. They know your weaknesses and strengths yet they want you to face your fears. And if you are their gladiator, then you do the same. Be their Olivia Pope, without the being mistress to the president part.
Thank you for reading. May you say yes to the things that scare you. May the year of yes transform into a lifestyle as it did for Shonda Rhimes, the queen of Thursday night television with Grey’s Anatomy, How to Get Away with Murder, and Scandal under her belt. 🙂 ❤
The people. I think no matter where you go, the people always play a major role in how much you enjoy being in a place. Luckily for the city of angels, the people are pretty nice. I will say the people in Orange County are even nicer and I am not just saying this because my friend lives there. I didn’t see any fights break out when we are enjoying the nightlife so I am going to take a guess that people are also pretty laid back as they are typically described.
The food. Man oh man. The food was amazing. I tried street food, restaurant food, and food trucks. None of the food I had in California disappointed me even a single bit. I had so much Mexican food (tacos, divorciados egg breakfast), that I should probably be able to speak Spanish by now. I seriously had the best taco of my life from a food truck at a food market (Smorgasburg, LA) and it was a pork taco, which I don’t typically eat (unless we’re talking about bacon). I have been to markets in other cities before: Boston, Nairobi, and Cape Town. I will say the Smorgasburg and the market in Cape Town are tied in my heart (mainly because South Africa really knows how to do burgers). See pictures below.
The events. My friend and I had come up with a pretty solid itinerary of events that we wanted to go. The Friday that I arrived we did a club/bar crawl in Downtown L.A. where we got to experience some really cool spots, including some clubs/bars that were underground and were renovated bank vaults. The second night we went to an African club that had an awesome DJ that kept playing the best afro-beats all night long. On the third night we ended up at a Jamaican party and later at a Kenyan party with DJ Fully Focus being the headliner. Both events were really cool and how we ended up at some of these events was divine intervention as they weren’t part of our itinerary. So moral of the story is, definitely have a plan but be also open to other experiences when they arise. See pictures below.
The places. If you’ve ever watched any shows or movies set in Los Angeles, you already know it’s a beautiful city. What stood out to me is that despite being such an urban place, there is so much natural scenery for your eyes to behold. From mountains to the palm trees (btw the palm trees there are so majestically tall), your eyes never lack stimulation. We went on a hike near the Hollywood sign and it was very scenic. We also went to Venice Beach, which not only had a beautiful landscape but also a lot of opportunity to people watch. What also impressed me about Venice Beach is that there a lot of activities to do like renting a scooter, skateboarding or watching other people skateboard, exercising or just enjoying the ocean. Lastly, we also checked out the Hollywood walk of fame, which was pretty cool because there are a lot of people on that street (especially tourists) so you really get to experience the big city feel. Also, I got to take a picture with Michael Jackson and Adam Levine’s star because who doesn’t love these pop stars.
The weather. If L.A. wasn’t so expensive, I would move here just because of the weather. No humidity, no snow, and very little rainfall. The place is basically a desert terrain but it doesn’t feel to dry. I will say that their oceans are pretty cold though as compared to the Gulf Shores. All in all, L.A. probably has the best weather in the U.S. Until next time, L.A.ers. Thank you for a wonderful time. 🙂 ❤
Because I am extra, I decided to try out the eye shadow look that I want to do when I am in Los Angeles later this week. This is like my third time playing with eye shadow for real for real so I am pretty proud of myself for achieving this look. But as a person that understands that practice makes perfect, I will continue to learn and get better. Similarly, you get better at traveling by, yeah you guessed it, traveling. In hopes of lessening the heartache of learning the lessons the hard way, I have come up with 5 tips that really help decrease unnecessary stress when traveling.
Do your research. Know what you need to travel to that place whether it be drivers’ license or passport. Know how much the trip is going to cost in terms of travel, shopping, food, and housing. Look up what events are happening during the time you are planning to visit. All these questions can be easily answered by google.
Budget appropriately. If you are traveling to a different country, know the exchange rate in dollars (for example 15 South Africa rand equals 1 dollar). Knowing this exchange rate of the top of your head is really useful so that you can do “quick maths” whenever you are shopping. When I traveled to South Africa in 2014, I took a quick detour to Kenya where the exchange rate is 100 Kenya shillings to 1 dollar and I forgot the rand to dollar exchange rate. I came very close to buying a temporary phone for $100 dollars thinking I was spending $10 because I was doing the Kenyan exchange rate instead of the South African one. That would have knocked my budget pretty badly so yeah know your budget and the exchange rate, if applicable.
Figure out the timing. Are you going during a peak season or off season? Peak season may be a good thing because you are very likely to meet a lot of travelers and there is likely more to do. However, peak season also means things are more expensive due to higher demand. Off season may be better due to cheaper travel expenses but will the season allow for the same activities you want to experience (such as beaches, carnivals, etc).
Pack light. This is my biggest mistake in traveling. I always over pack no matter where I am going. For a 3-day trip, I pack clothes that would last a week because a girls got to have options right? But yeah I always end up regretting it because I become clumsy as hell when I am trying to hold on to three bags at the same time. Actually, I am just clumsy in general but hey that is a story for another time.
Have an itinerary for the trip. No I am not just talking about your flight itinerary. I mean sit down and plan out what places you want to visit. Try to plan it out by day because somethings like museums might not be open on Sundays. If you get there with no plan, most likely you will waste a lot of time trying to figure out what to do. So why not plan ahead and use your vacation time to just enjoy the vacation.
Above all, have fun no matter what happens! Happy traveling! 🙂 ❤
As you can see in the picture my work uniform is all black. Each department in a hospital usually has its own color for scrubs, like the OR/surgical area is usually green while nurses wear blue. In some hospitals, pharmacists wear blue too but I ended up in a hospital where the pharmacy department wears black. As a black wardrobe enthusiast, I was still a little disappointed because my favorite color is blue. However, I have come to love it as the attire reminds me of what a ninja would wear. So here I am, a pharmacist by day and a ninja by night haha.
Have little to zero expectations. The number one killer of happiness is having a set mind on how you want something to be. Usually, this something is beyond your control. As you may have already found out by now or will eventually figure out, you cannot control your work environment unless you are a big shot like Oprah who owns a lot of resources in her line of work. But big shots aren’t born overnight so even Oprah had to deal with work environments that she did not control when starting her career. So have very little expectations about your job especially the personalities of the people you’ll work with. Which brings me to my next point: co-workers.
Learn to deal with many different personalities. Some people may not be as mature as you and trust me, most of your co-workers won’t think the way you do. Some may not be able to understand your differences but hey they did not bring you into this word, so you shouldn’t expect them to even like you. Remember you were hired because you have the qualities and skills needed for the job so that’s what you should focus on that. Work isn’t meant to be the place where you make friends with people (that’s a bonus if it happens). You were hired to provide a service and that’s what you should focus on.
When you walk in the door of your job, leave your home life there. Similarly, when you walk out the door of your job, leave your work there. If you work from home, have an at home office where you only focus on that space so you don’t overwhelm your home with work. Of course, sometimes you’re going to remember something you should have done at work and might have to follow up on that. But if you’re thinking about small things like something insensitive that a customer or employee might have done, then you’re letting someone live in your head rent free. If that happens, find someone to talk it out with, like a family or friend, then let that situation go.
Exert yourself but try to develop some work-life balance as well. I play tennis at least twice a week and I am doing Pilates once a week now. I also get a monthly massage. I also read pretty frequently and don’t forget about this blog writing. All in all, I would say that I am taking pretty good care of myself. However, there is always room for improvement: I have slacked off on making art and playing guitar. I did play my guitar at a couple times last week so I am working on that. What are you doing to work on you as an individual?
Be easy on yourself. No one becomes successful in their job overnight. We all start as amateurs at everything we do. Remember that one time you had to be potty trained. Imagine someone having to teach you how and where to take care of your excrements. Well, you don’t have to imagine it because it happened but you just don’t remember it. So now imagine someone training you how to be an accountant or a doctor or even an artist. It’s going to take time before you are the next Leonardo da Vinci, Steve Jobs, Michelle Obama, Oprah, you name it. Always practice patience especially with yourself because most of us tend to be harder on ourselves.
I wish you love, light, and peace in your journey of achieving job satisfaction (most of all, peace). Thank you for reading 🙂 ❤
I would like to start by saying that if you have access to a good public library, then save your coins and your house from book clutter by borrowing books from the library. It supports your local community and maybe reduces your carbon footprint. Either way, reading is good for you because as we feed our bodies, we must also feed our minds. And if you ever want to really laugh, just read a book written by a comedian. I recently read Kevin Hart’s I can’t make this up which is a book with many little chapters and a lot of life lessons. Here are the top 5 lessons I learned from the book:
If you’re going to hustle, hustle hard! A lot of people think that Kevin Hart is an overnight success but once you read the book you realize that his success climaxed after about 15 to 18 years of grinding. He toured a lot of small comedy clubs all over the US several times before being able to sell out basketball arenas.
Life is an ebb and flow of ups and downs. Before becoming a household name, he had a few breaks such as being cast in movies like Soul Plane and Fool’s Gold which actually flopped at the box office. When Kevin Hart got cast in these movies he thought they were going to be his big breaks but for reasons beyond his control, it didn’t work out that way. However, he credits such experiences for humbling him and teaching him not to be overexcited about projects because you’re never know how they’re going to turn out.
You can’t force a relationship to work. Kevin grew up with separated parents and he himself is now divorced from his first wife. His relationship with his wife had a lot of trust issues even in the dating face and for some reason they both thought marriage would make things better due to vows. However, they were both unhappy in the marriage and it took both of them a long time to realize that they would be happier apart from each either. The main thing Kevin worried about in divorcing his wife was whether it was the right move for his two kids. However, after a bit of separation, he realized that exposing his kids to a dysfunctional marriage would probably lead them to fall into the same cycle later.
Stay positive and check yourself. We all have flaws and usually, they are our biggest obstacle to achieving success. If your work ethic isn’t there, then you’re not going to go far. If you have an addiction (which Kevin Hart admits to having alcohol binging and gambling problems), then you need to seek help. If you have bad spending habits, then you’ll never have a great net worth despite how much money you make. So analyze yourself and try to understand your flaws so you can eventually overcome them. Also, staying positive will give you a lot of peace.
Teamwork makes the dream work. A lot of people (including myself before reading this book) don’t know that Kevin has a well-sized team that is mainly composed of his friends. One of his friends helps him write jokes, another helps with traveling logistics, another was opening his comedy shows for him, another was helping with organizing after parties for his shows, and then, of course, he had his comedy manager. Maybe, in the beginning, you can do it alone but as the African proverb states “if you want to go far, go together”.
I hope you pick up a book, whether today, tomorrow or later this month. Happy reading 🙂 ❤
So Ciara was in the mix of some unwarranted comments from a man who has a theory that she is only with Russell Wilson because of his money. The man went on to say that deep down Ciara loves “cool guys” like Future and only settled for Russell. To counter these statements, Ciara posted a photo describing what a cool man is to her. One of the descriptions was that a cool man is “a man that carries himself as though you are in his presence even if you’re not.” I think that’s the statement that really shows that Future is not a cool man because he is not a responsible man. Future disrespected both Ciara and their son by cheating on her. As far as we know, all Russell has done is show Ciara and her son love and respect. So in my opinion, both Ciara and Russell won this argument. I hope they may continue to live happily ever after.
When I read the list of descriptions that make a man “cool”. It also reminded me of the want list that a lot of us have when we’re looking for a partner to spend our lives with. I think Ciara’s list is spot on. I am not sure if this is the list she used when looking for a partner after she broke up with future but it’s pretty clear that Russell has all those qualities. This week I was watching a Kenyan blogger, Ess (Sharon Mundia), who recently got a tv show called “living with ess” on NTV. One of her guests this week was a man who has been married for 7 years and was giving some great dating advice. One of the tips he mentioned is to have a list of what you’re looking for in a partner. He also went on to say that when we write something on a wish list, the more we see it wherever we go. He made this analogy with a phone where you’re interested in a particular phone and everywhere you go, you now start to notice advertisements for that phone. This may have something to do with the “law of attraction” which I can’t speak much about since I haven’t read that book. However, I am sure everyone would like a little help from the universe in getting what they want. 🙂 ❤
I would like to start this post by saying I am not a car expert by any means but I’ve been involved in two car purchases within the last year (keyword: involved). I also love shopping in general especially when you know exactly what you want and where to get it. My brothers and dad know way more about cars than I do so I consulted them about my top choices when I bought my car. Here are the top 5 tips that really helped in securing the car that I wanted.
Ask around especially to people who have a similar car to the one that you want. Not only can they give you insight about the car but they can also probably recommend a good car salesman from where they bought their car. My mom was actually my referral for the car that I bought so she ended up getting a referral reward and was really good at talking the salesman down on the price as she knows him pretty well.
This was also when I discovered that my mom is actually pretty good at math (even though we usually went to my dad for math homework help. My mom’s side of the family does have a lot of accountants though so this is probably why she’s good at haggling/negotiation math. If I told you how much money she saved us on a limited edition car, you probably wouldn’t believe it. So if you have access to someone who knows how to play with business numbers really well, you should definitely bring that person with you when you are buying a car.
Car fax. If you are in North America, there’s a website and app called car fax where you can look at different cars and it tells you their price as well as their features. This is a way to do really good research because you already know the price range for the car you want before you even step into the dealership. You can also buy cars through carfax from dealerships and other individuals selling cars. If you’re in a different car, you can definitely visit different dealerships and figure out the price range that way. The beauty of carfax though is that it also tells you the history of the car in terms of ownership and accidents. For example, my car was a dealership car for dropping customers off when their cars were being serviced. Therefore, my car basically didn’t have a real owner and the miles/kilometers driven on the car were really low.
Car buying season. If you can avoid it, don’t buy a car after tax season or around the holidays. This is because a lot of people have money to buy cars during this time. Therefore, car dealers are usually not willing to negotiate as much because there’s a large demand. The best time to buy a car would probably be in the middle of the year between May and October.
Car features. My quote on cars among many things is “once you go high, you never want to go low” (sorry I kind of stole your line, Michelle Obama). My car is an SUV and I really find compact cars to not be as comfortable to drive now. I also find that the sun doesn’t hit you as much in a high car. But of course, there are a lot of good-looking compact cars so it just depends what floats your boat ehem car. Also, I really like other features that my car has: seat warmers, sunroof, blindside navigation, lane detection assistance, Bluetooth calling, very good fuel economy, etc.
I will say if you are accident prone that blindside navigation really helps and has saved me from getting hit or hitting other people so it is the MVP of my car’s features. I wish you the best of luck in buying a car when that time comes for you. 🙂 ❤
1. No one can call you out like a person that shared the same womb you came from. Your siblings have seen you at your worst and best while growing up so they usually know you a lot better than most people. When you think you’re untouchable, nobody brings you back down to earth better than a sibling calling you by a silly nickname that you had back in the day.
2. On the same note, your siblings usually know your true potential and can push you when you are second guessing yourself. My brothers and I gas each other up with compliments as quick as we are to make fun of each other. For example, we all know my younger brother has the best legs in the family, somehow I have the best brains, and my older brother just eludes a cool self-confidence that can only be countered by Idris Elba himself (I sometimes think they kind of look alike too but that’s just me).
3. They can be key players in choosing the person you spend the rest of your life with. Studies show that we usually model our desires in a partner based on our experiences with our family. So having to spend most of our lives with a sibling that sometimes gets on our nerves is actually good practice for the partner you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.
4. Entertainment! My younger brother is truly an entertainer and growing up with him definitely led to a lot of laughs from his pretty on-point impersonations and “inside jokes” type humor. For example, when we at the Essence Festival last weekend he saw a guy trying to hit on a girl and my brother immediately whispered “le soif” which is French for “the thirst”. This was an inside joke from way back when there was a thirsty guy at this Kenyan party we were at and we had to speak French so no one could understand us.
5. Lifelong side-kicks! No matter how deep I am in some mess, I always know that my brothers have my back and similarly I have theirs. I honestly couldn’t imagine life without my brothers and I pray that we may grow old together!
As a last thought, I have never known how it would be to have a sister as I am an only girl. But I am really not good at sharing so I am kind of glad it worked out that way. My mom looks young enough to be my sister and now I have a sister in love (not law, as we say in my household to describe marital family). I also have a little niece and based on my baby face I could probably pass as her sister too so I guess God knew what he was doing by only giving me brothers! 🙂 ❤
I am a visual person so the best way to show someone New Orleans is through an in-person tour or in pictures. My brother and I went on Saturday for Essence Fest and intended on coming back that same night. However, New Orleans has some magic and a family friend of ours who was there for a girls trip invited us to join them that night. Eventually, it was too late to go home so we crashed at their beautiful air bnb and did leave until Sunday evening. I didn’t take any pictures at the concert because my phone was dying but just to break it down for you: Missy Elliot, Queen Latifah, Salt and Pepa, Brandy, Xscape, and Mary J. Blige all had really awesome performances. Without further ado, let’s get to the photos.
Day Activities : click arrow for next picture in slideshow
Let me just say that the food in New Orleans never disappoints. Definitely, a must visit place if you’re ever in the Gulf Coast area of the U.SA. And yes I do believe in magic….New Orleans magic 🙂 ❤
1. Conditioning. There’s a lot of different conditioning types. Regular, deep and protein are the three main ones. Regular conditioning is basically what you do when you use a normal hair conditioner that is usually paired with a shampoo. You should ALWAYS condition after shampooing your hair to restore moisture as shampoos can be really drying (especially those with sulfates). In addition, you should either use a deep conditioner or protein treatment at least twice a week. I just recently started using a protein treatment and it really does work. My hair is significantly softer for the rest of the week when I do a protein treatment. I would guess this is because protein treatments strengthen the hair strand.
2. Trimming. I’ve never anyone that likes to have their hair trimmed as most of us are after “long hair, don’t care” goals. To be honest, I only get my hair trimmed once a year as opposed to the recommended 3 to 4 times per year. This is mainly due to distrust of hair stylists that get scissor happy when you don’t really need that much hair cut off. There are some youtube videos on how to self-trim and I might start doing that (the most important tip for self-trimming is to have the right scissors which are known as shears. Normal scissors aren’t as sharp as shears so they don’t allow for a clean cut ( this can lead to even worse split ends).
3. Protective styling. I last trimmed my hair last September and since then my hair grew about 3 inches which is actually pretty good for me. I mainly attribute this growth to protective styling as my hair was usually in cornrows. I’ve done micro-braids quite a lot in the past and I attribute this to my lack of hair growth in those years. Micro-braids led to breakage and dryness of my hair so I have completely abandoned that style now. I also have never colored my hair or done a lot of heat styling. I only get my hair straightened once or twice per year. I usually schedule my trims around that time because it seems easier to trim straight hair versus curly hair.
4. Scalp care. I think most people forget that the scalp is just as important as the hair itself. Even if you only wash your hair once a week, you should still clean your scalp as needed. I keep a spray bottle that has shampoo and water in it so I can keep my scalp fresh throughout the week. This could be due to sweat or product build-up which can clog your hair follicles. Clogged follicles can lead to less hair growth so look out for that.
5. Proper tools. Finally, you can have the best hair but you can still damage your hair if you don’t use the right tools. Never use a skinny comb for curly hair unless your hair is straight or stretched. The best comb for curly hair is a wide-toothed comb and this can be used for detangling as well as styling. If you are looking for a detangling brush for curly hair, use one that has large bristles instead of small ones. I personally use the Denman D3 brush which is kind of expensive but totally worth it. It easily glides between my curls and doesn’t snag unless I have a knot in my hair. For hair knots, the best tool to use can be your fingers as you can easily unravel the knot instead of pulling on it with a comb or brush. There are also people who regularly use their fingers for detangling and that works for them.
The main point is to learn what works best for your hair.
I hope this helps. If you have any additional tips, please feel free to share. 🙂 ❤