The past few weeks amid this coronavirus crisis have reminded me one thing: how to not overcomplicate life. We all have so many desires, expectations, and goals that we sometimes forget to live for today, for now. I am writing this after learning that one of my family friends has passed away in a tragic manner. At this time, we are so focused on not being infected with coronavirus that we forget that people are still dying in other ways. Someone probably died from a heart attack today, another probably from drowning, and others from several freak accidents that happen every day. However, we forget this and continue to live life in our bubble. We take our life for granted and focus on myriad issues like petty work drama.
I hope that this coronavirus downtime teaches us to focus on what really matters: our heart, mind, and spirit. Do more of what makes you happy. Since some of us may be stuck indoors during this time, try a new hobby like meditation, drawing, or writing music. I would suggest cooking but I wouldn’t want you to end up eating all of your quarantine groceries. I have started listening to podcasts on the way home from work since we healthcare workers still have to report to duty. The last podcast I listened to was Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations, specifically the one where she interviews a self-help author Harville Hendrix about how we look for partners based on our childhood relationships with our parents. I will like to dive deeper into this topic in a future post but in the meantime, please listen to the podcast when you get a chance. I’ll post the link to the website where you can listen to it for free below. I wish you peace, love, and happiness during this time as always 🙂 ❤
I would like to start this movie review by saying that people should seriously consider watching foreign films if they haven’t already. I love Indian movies particularly and of course, Kenyan movies make me feel like I am home. From the beautiful shots of the capital city Nairobi to the eye candy actors/actresses, the following Kenyan movies are Hollywood quality in my opinion. Maybe we need to coin a new term “Kenwood” or “Kenywood”. Anyway, while we keep brainstorming on a possible name, let me convince you why the following three movies are worth your time. Because as we know, time is money.
I just watched this captivating movie this December and it stars one of my favorite Kenyan actors: the oh-so-handsome and talented, Nick Mutuma. I am sure we will see Nick in Hollywood one day because he’s just that good and he is consistent in You Again where he plays a character who is unemployed due to being fired from his last job. Similarly, his ex-girlfriend from college finds herself looking for work. Coincidentally, they both found work at the same place. The problem is that they can’t stand each other’s gusts. As such, their attitudes towards each other may put their careers in jeopardy unless they resolve their issues. The ex-girlfriend role is played by newcomer Mimi Mars who does a great job executing the tom-boy role. She is also a woman of principle which is why the movie is not your typical romantic comedy. It touches on serious issues such as inequality in the workplace specifically how women are treated as wallflowers that are just supposed to sit there and look pretty. If I were to rate this movie, I would give it 4/5 stars as the supporting characters also did a wonderful job in adding humor and charm to the movie. It is also a family-friendly movie that could be watched with parents and children alike. So without further ado, please see the link below to watch this entertaining movie for free:
As you can tell from the title Plan B, someone will be getting pregnant in this movie. What I love most about this film is that it is pan-African with a Nigerian producer (Lowla-Dee) and while most of the actors are Kenyan, the male stare Daniel Etim Effiong is a very talented Nigerian actor. His character acts tough and dismissive until Sarah Hassan’s character softens him up. Again this story isn’t just a romantic comedy as it highlights legal issues such as paternity, single-parent upbringing, and child support. It also shows a bit of Kenya’s music scene and urban environment. I love the ending but of course, I won’t ruin it for you. From what I remember, the movie does not display nudity so I would give this movie a G-rating for family friendliness. This movie is also free so please check it out below:
This movie also stars Nick Mutuma but with a different love interest played by Brenda Wairimu. It explores such topics as the friend-zone, cheating, and depression. Nick is the ever supporting friend who exceedingly cares for his female best friend Brenda. Despite this seemingly predictable set-up of a romantic comedy, the ending of the movie is actually surprising. There is also some diversity as one of the characters in the film is of Indian descent as Kenya is actually habited by many different cultures. Also, Brenda’s character is a dentist and who doesn’t love beautiful independent women. In the spirit of independence and supporting actors, this movie is actually for rent on Vimeo for only $3.99. The movie does have some sexual references so keep that in mind if watching it with family. It might be better to host a movie night with friends so you just pay $3.99 and split between your friends. The rental allows viewing for 48 hours so no worries if you get distracted during a Vimeo and chill situation *wink*wink* Either way, please check it out below:
I would like to start this blog post by giving a shout out to my friend Ola who wrote this beautiful poem for a beautiful woman.
To be honest, I was shocked by his talent and I think he needs to perform this poetry live because it has great flow.
To answer your questions, Ola is like a little brother to me so I try to be his wing woman. Any ladies out there who want to be the beautiful woman by his side, come talk to me. ❤️🙏🏾
This question I ask
to catch the attention of this angel
on my mind all day
Curiously, I say
How was your day?
This question I hope
the birds, wild and fishes
in the mountains, forest, and seas
will scream with me
How was your day?
This question I know
Presidents, Kings, Queens, and everyone
upon seeing this angel named Renee,
will chant with me
How was your day?
This question I pray
The Cherubims, Seraphims
and all the heavenly host
will chorus with me
How was your day?
More poetry and blog posts to come. I am sorry for my brief break from posting as my life went from 0 to 100 real quick with work, tennis, family, etc. I hope you are all excited for the holiday season. ❤️
As I am writing this, I am just wrapping watching a video about applying monk mentality in our lives. The speaker is a British/Indian guy named Jay Shetty who spent summers in India in his early adulthood in a monk sanctuary to learn the way of the monk. Jay Shetty has a lot of great videos out there that always speak to me but sometimes, I tend to forget his insight and to apply it to my life. So this time, I decided to write the 10 things I learned from the monk mentality talk to help myself and my readers who want to be more introspective.
Gratitude is key. As that Koffee song says, gratitude is a must. Practicing gratitude at the beginning or at the end of every day can be life changing. Gratitude always you to cope with the challenges of life because at the end of the day you still find a reason to be grateful. Recently, I realized that all the unsuccessful relationships I have been through either taught me to be grateful of all the time that the other person invested in your togetherness and what not to accept in the future. Either we win or we win.
We have multiple internal voices and we can strengthen one or the other. Learn to listen to all your thoughts and re-direct your thoughts when they are negative or critical. Foster positive thinking and you will be able to enjoy life more.
Know your element. Jay Shetty speaks about detachment and how attachment/expectation can lead us to disappointment. Therefore, detaching ourselves from a particular end-result or behavior is better for our mental health. I am one of those people who can be very stubborn so this has been important for me as I have to tell myself that I have done everything possible and the end-result can be different from what I want. Therefore, I have had to learn to come to terms with any outcome that does not fit what I want.
Know your environment. Jay Shetty basically states that friendship can make or break you. If your friends are negative, you probably will be too. Instead, surround yourself with people who are also introspective and are trying to be better people. In addition, hanging out with people who are more mature than you can elevate your growth much further. If you want to be a billionaire, you have to surround yourself with people making money moves. And if you want to be a peaceful person, you have to find like-minded people.
Know your energy. We are all human so we can have some bad days where we are the “Debbie Downer” of the group. Also, everyone struggles with jealousy. The worst is when we are not aware of our energy because we can cause a lot of damage to others and ourselves. Therefore, it is important to check in with our emotions to understand the source of our negative feelings and transcend them.
Quit comparing yourself with others. In the video, Jay Shetty says that most people do not view themselves as who they think they are but as what other people think they are. You should not tie your self-identity to external things or what other people think of you. Tell yourself who you want to be and be that.
Learn from the process of those who you view successful. Instead of just focusing on the success, try to shadow or do research on how they got to where they are. If you don’t like the process of their success, then look elsewhere for who you should look up to.
What you do for yourself is your career. What you do for others is the combination of your passion and purpose. To figure out your passion and your purpose, ask yourself what do you love to do that also brings other people happiness and is also tied to what you are good at. For me, I think I love mentoring young people about their future. It brings me happiness when they succeed and when their path becomes easier than mine has been.
Don’t ruminate on the past. A lot of us beat ourselves up because of our perceived mistakes such as in our careers or relationships. Rumination is not a useful tool. Reflection with the purpose to use that information to make a different decision about the present or future is more constructive.
Create time towards growing your spirituality and positive mentality. A lot of people credit meditation as a way to change how you think and feel about oneself and life. I have difficulty with turning my brain off/slowing down especially when I am trying to sleep. What helps me is reading a book before bed or journaling. I think journaling is actually a written form of meditation because you write down your thoughts, how they make you feel, and your good intentions about the situation. If you don’t own a paper journal, please buy one because writing down notes on your phone is not the same.
I hope these 10 tips for fostering monk mentality can be applied to your life and what you currently may be going through. 🙂 ❤
To the left is a picture of me and my brother on the New Orleans Ferry from Algiers to the Riverwalk which I highly recommend as you can avoid being a victim of crazy driving (which is a red-flag for me). Disclaimer: I am going to make a pretty controversial statement in the next sentence. I think that we all settle in some way when choosing the person to marry or even just be in a relationship with (platonic or not). To circumvent this, some people write down lists of their deal-breakers and potential red flags. We all know deal breakers are more of a non-issue because as soon as you see that quality in the person, you say “NEXT!” However, red flags are more tricky because in most cases, they mean that you would not stop a relationship just because of a little red flag. Let’s say the red flag in your potential mate is that they don’t know how to cook, you are kind of willing to let that go especially in the age of food delivery services. But how about if I add on doesn’t like animals and has terrible grammar to the list? These three little red flags can turn into a total deal-breaker. So my question is when do you know when enough is enough?
Some people might say three red flags is enough to say goodbye to the person they are dating but sometimes, you can be so blinded by love that you let so many red flags continue to pile on without addressing them. And in the end, we end up resenting the other person for being so different from what we want when the person is just being themselves. I truly do not believe that any human should try to change another human. Change should come from within. So although I have been told we cannot quantify human beings into bad or good since we are so complex, maybe we should always keep in mind how much we are compromising to be with the person we are dating. This can be applied to friendships and workplaces as well but I think we are usually more critical about platonic relationships as compared to romantic ones.
As I stated in the beginning, I think we all settle in some way but settling too much can breed resentment and unhappiness. Knowing your worth, your values, and how much you are willing to put up with is key. And since I just recently watched Spiderman: Into the Spider-verse last night, I will say that trusting your spidey-sense or gut will lead you to make the right decision most of the time. I feel like our spirit and soul know a lot more than our mind when it comes to relationships, so don’t kill your brain trying to do crazy algorithms when you can just tap into your spiritual energy. Because only you can know how much is too much for you. 🙂 ❤
I first realized that I struggle with anxiety when I was trying to plan a family dinner at a restaurant for mother’s day maybe 4 or 5 years ago. I had forgotten to make a reservation not realizing that the restaurant would be pretty busy because of course everybody takes their mother, auntie, sister, and grandmother out for such a holiday. So my family and I are waiting outside the restaurant waiting for our name to be called while my anxiety is building up such that I start calling other restaurants to try to make a quicker reservation. Basically, I wanted the day to go perfectly so that I did not disappoint my family and especially my mom. My older brother realized what I was doing and quickly asked me “you still get like that?” (alluding to my anxiety). Before he had mentioned it, I did not even realize I really had a problem or even a history of anxiety. But now that I look back, I realize that I had anxiety but I was not a chatty anxious person so people probably did not notice it (I could be wrong though).
In my journey of addressing my anxiety, I have learned that it is one of the top psychological disorders affecting youth in the U.S.A maybe even the world. Pretty much everybody suffers from some sort of anxiety. It is a normal human response to stressful situations. You can meet the most put together and seemingly laid back people who suffer from anxiety. Like most things, anxiety is on a spectrum from mild to crippling. If it’s crippling your life and preventing you from leaving your house, definitely seek professional help. I am fortunate enough to be able to lead a normal life with my anxiety. It always helps to have people who understand you by your side. Clearly, my older brother is that person for me as he helps me create logical steps towards my problems. My mother is a therapist and one of the things she has taught me is about the importance of breathing. Deep breaths can relax your body with such ease and they’re free as long as we don’t kill off all the trees (I think that rhymed by the way 🙂 ) My younger brother gives the best hugs in the world and my dad fixes most of my car related issues. Also, my 2 year old niece is just the cutest thing in the world and her fearless boss baby attitude continues to inspire me to be a lady boss. Bible scripture and inspiring quotes can also help set the tone of your day. For example, Proverbs 16:3 says “commit to the lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans”. Finally, playing tennis teaches me to focus on each point on its own without thinking about winning or losing the match. Each point is a small battle while the match is a big war and if you know anything about wars, they are won through consistency in small fights. So keep on fighting the good fight of your life (please, no Tyrese “I am fighting for my life” videos).
In summary, my advice is to find the people and things in your life that bring you peace or inspire you to overcome fear. Always remember what Nelson Mandela said, “the brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers that fear”. If a man who was in prison for 27 years for fighting for his people’s rights can say these words, then I believe they must be true. May we all face your fears. Literally, look at yourself in the mirror and see the Lion/Simba in you silencing the Scar in you with a growl/affirmation of power. Of course, you can also do this metaphorically if you’re not one for mirror pep talks with yourself. Either way, tell fear who is boss. You. You are your own boss. And for the days you feel like you are not, please listen to this song by Kiana Ledé that I think truly captures anxiety: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkLA0p4BTTs
They say that women love what they hear and men love what they see. Well, I like hearing and seeing beautiful words. (Also, may we take a moment of silence for Toni Morrison who died yesterday on August 5th and who will forever be remembered as a great writer.) I will admit that I am yet to read her book but have seen the numerous quotes of hers shared on social media in the advent of her death. She was clearly great with words as you would expect. But what does being great with words actually mean?
To me, being great with words means being able to paint a picture so that other senses besides hearing can be awakened. It means being able to argue a point in an articulate manner. It means being able to be efficient with your use of words because most often, less is more. There is no need to be verbose unless you are complimenting a woman (in that case, keep the words coming). Men, on the other hand, seem to prefer fewer words maybe because their mind wanders or maybe because their cavemen prototypes were busy hunting wooly mammoths (an activity that probably requires absolute silence). To add some possible evidence to this, baby girls generally say their first words and sentences before baby boys. But we get carried away into a battle of sexes, let’s return to “the power of words”.
Words can make or break you. Literally, what a person grows up hearing whether from others and especially from themselves can affect his or her quality of life. Someone cue the classic scene from The Help: “You is kind, You is smart, You is important” where the nanny is having to part ways with her employer’s child. When the black nanny (played beautifully by Viola Davis) is telling the white child these empowering words, she is also empowering herself and anyone who hears or reads those words. Those nine words spread like wildfire throughout the internet because words are powerful.
Men, in case you thought I forgot about you, there are some theories out there that a woman knows whether she would date/entertain you within the first 30 seconds of interacting you. I cannot speak for all women but I will say that during the times that I tried online dating, a horrible bio section with mis-spellings was an absolute turn-off. Also, my top pet peeve from guys is when they text “hey” like they did not spend 12 years being educated on how to write a complete sentence. If a man is really that scared that writing a bit more will make him look desperate, then I have some words of advice: “ if you are going to shoot your shot, at least make sure you shoot a 3 pointer”. In other words, go big or go home. Women can smell fear from a mile away with those 1 point shots.
And when you are speaking nicely to others, do not forget to speak positively to yourself. You are the person you live the longest with so remind yourself often that “You is kind, You is smart, You is important”.Thanks for reading. 🙂 ❤
In May, I attended the graduation of a family friend and at her graduation party, her uncle gifted her with a book (namely “You Can Negotiate Anything” book by Herb Cohen). When I saw the title of the book, I immediately exclaimed that I needed to read that book as it could be useful in my personal and professional life. Without skipping a beat, her uncle retrieved his personal copy of the book and gave it to me. It turns out that he had bought himself the copy to re-read as he read it many years ago when my father gave him a copy of the book. Therefore, this book is kind of a “boomerang” as it first started with my father in Kenya, then to a family friend, and then back to me in the USA. Who knows where and to who this book will travel next. But in the meantime, let me share the top negotiation strategies I have learned from the book.
Never reveal your deadline to the person you are negotiating with if you can avoid it. For example, do not tell a seller you need a car by next week as that means the seller will know that you probably will not have time to look around for a better deal. The most powerful thing in the world is time. If you have time, use it to your advantage to make sure you get the best deal possible. Also, playing the waiting game makes you look less interested in the other party so they are more willing to work with what you want.
Avoid having an authoritative style. There are many strategies for negotiation. The author calls an authoritarian/unyielding strategy “the Soviet-style” because, during war, the Soviets would low ball you until you yield to their demands while they compromise nothing. This style only works if you never intend on doing business or having relations with that person ever again because the person will not like you for taking advantage of them.
See compromise as an opportunity to make both you and the other person happy. Good negotiators find ways to figure out what really means the most to the other person. For example, if you are the boss and the person you are seeking to hire wants $50,000 while you are only willing to offer $40,000, find ways to make up for the other $10,000. Such examples could be offering more vacation days, season tickets to sports events, or even gym membership. Therefore, when the person looks at the $40,000 they don’t see it as a total loss of $10,000 especially since the $40,000 is taxable by the government while the additional perks are tax-free. So in negotiation, always try to find a way to get as close to what you want while still making the other happy.
Avoid negotiating on the telephone unless you want an easy win or lose situation. This is because whoever imitates the call is usually at an advantage as they think about what they are going to say before they call. On the other hand, the receiver of the phone call is caught off guard and has to scramble to have good debate points in the negotiation. The author’s advice if you are the receiver is simple: make up an excuse to end the call and tell the caller that you will phone them at a later turn. Now you will be the caller and not the receiver which gives you the advantage. For example, if you have applied for a job and the interviewer calls you with a low offer which you were not expecting, simply tell the interviewer that you need time to think about it and you will call them back within 24 to 48 hours. Negotiating in person also allows you to read body language and make a better case for yourself as it is easier for someone to say “No” over the phone. In-person negotiations are more personable. Who would have guessed? haha
Always seek to negotiate with the person who has true negotiating power. For instance, say that you are at an electronics store and you are looking to buy a TV as well as a sound system. Let’s also pretend that there is no sale going on but you think you should get a bundle deal since you are buying two large ticket items. Who do you think you should talk to? the clerk or the manager? If you said manager then you are correct. Usually, a clerk has no real power to give you sales outside of those already presented in the store. Therefore, you should always ask for the manager if you are wanting to negotiate something outside of what is presented. In other words, never accept no for an answer from someone who does not even have the real power to say yes.
In continuing the history of this book, I have to find someone to gift it to. I am thinking of my mother because she is very much a strategic negotiator and has a great interest in human psychology. If you end up reading this book, I hope you do the same as negotiating is a key part of life whether at school, work, or home. The best negotiations in the world get paid millions of dollars to do it so it is quite the skill to have. As you would expect, practice makes perfect and even the author admits that he botched his first negotiation project with a Japanese company because they played the waiting game against him until he only had minutes to present his case. So don’t get discouraged if you fail the first time, learn from it and apply it to your next challenge. All the best in your pursuits. 🙂 ❤
With half a year officially gone, I would like to remind you that you are amazing for sticking through this thing we call life. Many people wanted to be here today and some did not make it so you definitely have something to be grateful for. I personally challenged myself to write 10 things that make me #blessed. Here we go:
1. That I have survived, may I say I have even thrived, in the first half of the year. All praise to the most high.
2. My niece can actually speak whole sentences now and it quite an intelligent little girl.
3. My brother has now been in the professional work force for a whole year. Congrats little bro.
4. My family has overcome challenges that life has thrown at us and it always makes us even stronger when we’re together
5. I started the year off in the motherland facing Mt. Kenya and on the equator line.
6. The tennis league that I am a part of qualified to the state championships where I won 2 matches and lost one.
7. I have been able to balance both my work and personal life.
8. I have had this blog for about 2.5 years now.
9. I got a pedicure this weekend and decided to be more adventurous so I got hot pink instead of my usual lilac color.
10. I bought some jeans online and when they came in the mail I was expecting to be disappointed. But to my surprise, they fit perfectly; even better than the ones I’ve bought in a walk-in store.
And with that, I hope my jean story inspires you to take more risk. FYI I bought a size up so in case they didn’t fit, I could gift them to my friend so maybe also karma rewards us when we think of others. Happy rest of 2019 😊❤️
Displayed above is a painting I recently did of Bob Marley. In 24 hours, I will no longer own it as I am gifting it to my neighbor who recorded a live album of his original music yesterday and who also taught me how to play guitar. Displayed below is a song I wrote out loud first while driving around town and just expressing what was on my heart at that time. I hope you enjoy both displays and soon enough, a video recording of me playing the song should follow. I mixed in a bit of French just to summarize the chorus in another language – also inspired by my guitar teacher. I was listening to Bob Marley’s “waiting in vain” on repeat around the time I wrote this song so I can attribute some inspiration to that as well.
I wanna know
I am looking for that sign
That green light
That tells me go
Or that red light
That tells me no
I wanna know
If this is real
If this is true
Me and you
Is this real?
Is this true?
I wanna know
Moi et toi
Est – ce vrais?
Je veux savoir
They say time will tell
If this love is a spell
Or if we both truly fell
So hold on to those wedding bells
Cause I wanna know
If this is real
If this is true
Me and you
Is this real?
Is this true?
I wanna know
Moi et toi
Est – ce vrais?
Je veux savoir
—Thanks for reading and entertaining my creativity in all capacities. 😃❤️