I wrote this in the air, so it’s coming hot off the clouds
In the next sentence, I am going to share the most important quality that women look for without even knowing. Drum roll, please. Above all, a woman wants a man with a sense of humor.
Why? Because we want to be happy. And sure buying us gifts and being financially secure can make a woman happy but that’s not something a man can sustain 24 hours, 7 days a week. Humor, on the other hand, is something that is limitless. A man can make you laugh literally every hour on the hour that you are with him or available via phone.
It is true that you cannot eat laughter or even be housed by laughter but humor should still be a requirement for the life partner you choose. Imagine marrying a guy who doesn’t even have the capacity to make dad jokes to your kids. In fact, I think research shows that your life expectancy increases based on laughter and in turn, happiness. So get that guy with a retirement plan that includes savings but also the bag of jokes he’s gonna use in old age. I have this joke planned where I pretend that my memory is shoddy and start flirting with my husband like I’ve just met him for the first time. Like, asking him “hey do you come here often?” while we are in our house. Please let me know within the next 40 years if this is a cruel joke or forever hold your peace.
So the moral of the story is that as much as we all love biceps and deep pockets, a funny bone working 40 hours a week and maybe some overtime should be a major aspiration for all men. Another argument for humor is that it gets better with time. Your looks, on the other hand, are not promised to be in the positive every year. Not all men are Idris Elba who manages to look better each and every year. Let’s have a moment of silence for Idris’s peppered beard right now and can the congregation say “silver fox”. And by the way, have you noticed that Idris also seems to have a great sense of humor? The man is all about self-development as he is a DJ, producer, actor, kickboxer, father, and husband. I hope the men reading this are taking notes and create a plan on how to level up. If you don’t have humor in your current arsenal, level up! If all you have is humor, also level up!
Since birth, I have always been a daddy’s girl. When my mom used to get frustrated doing my hair as a little girl and want to shave it, my father would tell her to dare to cut it and risk getting returned to her village (this was obviously a joke by the way). But yes, my dad has always looked out for my best interest. When I wanted to get my hair chemically relaxed to be straight, he said no but since I wanted it so bad, my mom said yes. Now I wish I had listened to my father because my hair was so much healthier before. In fact, people I grew up with in Kenya remember me for my long hair. Hair stories aside, I sought my dad’s satisfaction the most (see previous post about how I tried to remain neutral in who I loved more). I think this was because my dad was very social and would brag about the exploits of my siblings and I to anyone who would listen. My mother is more introverted so not so much bragging there but of course, we could tell when she was proud of us too.
They say that when a woman looks for a man, we look for our father’s or our brother’s characteristics in the man we marry. Sometimes, consciously and sometimes, subconsciously. In one of my previous relationships, the guy told me that his goal was to love me more than my father loves me. I did not think much about it then but recently, I thought about it and realized that the man who promised me this made a promise he could not keep. For one, my father has never put me in any situation that could hurt me. Secondly, my father will go above and beyond for anything that is important to me. Finally, I am named after my father’s mother so my father not only sees me as his daughter but also as the spirit of his mother. In essence, my father loves me as one would love their mother and child at the same time.
I am not saying that your spouse can or cannot love you more than your parents. That is too deep of a philosophical question to answer in a blog post but what I do know is that as a woman, your relationship with your father plays a major role in your life. I know some people who did not have the most present or loving father and so they look to God to be their heavenly father. I think this is because we all desire security and love especially when we are young. I am blessed that my father provided both needs. He is not a perfect person but I can definitely say that I would not be the person that I am today, including my achievements, without his support. And to defy societal standards a bit let me share a few interesting characteristics about my dad:
He has beautiful handwriting, actually better than my mom’s because he was taught calligraphy as a child.
He is really good at cutting paper in a straight line and stayed up with me several times during my science fair projects to help me decorate my posters.
The quote that I remember most from him is “work smarter not harder”. As such, I have a slight obsession with problem-solving and have a slight pet peeve with inefficiency
To make this blog post more well-rounded, I will say that we should all aim to be better than our parents and so I am not blind to any bad qualities that I may have picked up from my parents. But I think if you ever ask a woman whether she would prefer a better husband to her or a better father for her kids, she would go with the latter. So with that, thank you to the fathers who help to bring up good human beings into our society. Apparently, some countries celebrate fathers’ day in March so I guess this early fathers’ day blog post for those of us in the U.S.A while it is in due time for others. Either way, thank you for reading. 🙂 ❤