In the event of Kanye West saying “slavery was a choice” and people we looked up to such as Morgan Freeman being accused of sexual harassment, we have to acknowledge the duality of human existence. A person can be a great musician, actor, co-worker etc but still be a less than perfect human. When we revere people to the extent of unrealistic adoration, we are bound to be disappointed because no one can ever live up to such expectations.
In the words of Tupac, “ a role is something people play and a model is something people make. Both of those things are fake.” I think it’s okay to have a role model for a specific facet of their life but not for their entire being. For example, we can admire Michael Jackson for his work ethic but not for his other life choices. We can admire Kevin Hart for his humor but not for his infidelity. When we realize that people are more complex than what we see with our eyes, we allow them to make their choices and have their peace.
I was watching an interview of Keke Palmer on the Breakfast Club radio show. Let me just say Keke is able to dissect being human so well for a person who is just 24 years old. In the interview, she discusses going through depression and growing up in the limelight. Her most interesting discussion for me is when she recalls the first time that her parents fell short of her expectations. She wasn’t trying to throw her parents under the bus. She was simply making the point that everyone is bound to disappoint us at one point or another. However, the greatest disappointment is when our parents first let us down. It’s not until that we are adults that we are realize that our parents are just human and were trying to do their best when raising us.
So to drive the point home, It’s important to recognize the complexity of human nature. It’s important not to harbor hate or judgment towards someone because of his or her life decisions. Everyone is going through life without a road map just like you. Nobody is perfect, including you, so don’t expect perfection (even from yourself). This post feels like a TED talk or therapy session, I’ve been avoiding writing this one for a while but I am glad that it finally came together in my head.
I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t watch the full royal wedding ceremony mainly because I love my sleep. It was all over by the time I woke up yesterday but I definitely kept up with the course of events via instagram and twitter (twitter is my happy place by the way). I think the most interesting part about the royal wedding is not the ceremony but more so the love story between Meghan and Harry. Their love story has taught me a lot and I’ve decided to share the 5 main things that have stuck with me about this beautiful union of interracial, intercontinental, and intersectional love.
Meghan is a divorcee and yet she still managed to find a man who loves her enough to break customary tradition. Imagine how she probably felt after the failure of her first marriage, just hoping that it wasn’t too late to find love again. Then not only does she find love but love with odds against her. Then despite these odds, Harry still chooses her. Ladies and gentleman, I am surprised a meteor hasn’t come crashing to earth yet because this story is so wild and beyond my imagination. The point from this is you should never allow someone to tell you that they can’t be with you because of their family or because of their title, career, etc. If someone wants you, they’ll move heaven and earth to be with you.
You should never beat yourself up over a failed relationship, marriage, etc. I am sure walking away from her first marriage was not easy for Meghan. A lot of people are seeking inspiration from her relationship with Harry. However, there’s a deeper message from her first relationship. The message to me is that you should never settle for less than what you desire and what you deserve. Somewhere deep in Meghan’s heart, she knew that her first husband was not fulfilling her life in the way she wanted and instead of settling for complacency, she stepped out to look for something better. That hope is something we can all believe in (sorry for stealing your tag line, Obama). During most of my break-ups, it’s always because I realize that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with said person. I am sure Meghan wishes she had realized that before marrying her first husband but it’s better late than never. So don’t settle for less. Look for the person who sets your heart on fire and makes you feel down right amazing.
True love always comes on time. This is something my dad actually taught me. If you the love that has come to you is not fitting into your life and seems to have come at the wrong time, it’s not true love. True love comes when your heart and life is ready to experience it. If this fairy tale love had come earlier for Meghan (let’s say in her 20s), she probably would have never been fulfilled in her acting career because she would have been forced to give that up to be part of British royalty. So yes she’s 36 years old and this love is just on time. She’s not the only woman who was in her mid-thirties and unmarried. Best believe, she won’t be the last. So if some of us are destined for the same, don’t curse your life. Don’t hurry love, you never know what destiny has in store for you (hopefully a prince lol).
Be true to yourself. Even if you are marrying a prince, your life is still yours. If you want to walk down the aisle in a simple wedding dress and bare minimum makeup, do you baby. While the world was watching and expected extravagance, Meghan chose to stick to her own personal style. That in itself was a pretty bold move despite the simplicity of her look. Also note, that Harry still looked at her like she was wearing a decadent Victoria secret fantasy lingerie set. I guess you can amp this up by wearing a potato sack to your wedding and seeing if your man looks at you the same (haha I am just joking). But anyway, moral of the story is be unapologetically you.
Lastly, love knows no rules and no boundaries. There’s an African proverb that says “If you stay where you were born, you’ll end up marrying your cousin.” I paraphrased this quote but essentially it means, you should always look for new experiences, new places to see, and new people to meet. If you network very well, you have a higher probability of meeting possible suitors. As you all probably know, Meghan and Harry met through being set up on a blind date by a mutual friend (that friend is the real MVP by the way). Through new experiences, Meghan is now living across the pond with a prince as the Duchess of Sussex. Cue God’s plan for the millionth time.
And with that, I’ll leave you with a final quote shared during the wedding ceremony. 🙂 ❤
“If humanity ever captures the energy of love, it will be the second time in history that we have discovered fire.” – Bishop Michael Curry
Children know how to read vibes. This is especially true about my niece who doesn’t allow just anyone to hold her. She has to get to know you first and see you around several times before becoming comfortable around you.
True happiness is seeing a child squeal with excitement upon you walking through the door. My niece and I sometimes do this squealing match where I make a sound and she matches it with the same or even more excitement.
Seeing a child sick is the most saddening thing to watch. Whether the child is coughing or high with fever, you just hope that what you do is enough to make her feel better. This is especially true when the child is not old enough to talk to communicate how she feels.
When you fall down in life, clean yourself up and get back up again. My niece rounds around all day and falls on the ground at least once a day. Even if she cries, she’ll still be up and running within a few minutes. I hope she keeps this same energy throughout the years.
Love is the greatest thing you could ever give someone. Throughout her few years of life, I am given my niece several gifts but i’ve noticed that the gift she enjoys the most is my presence. When I don’t see her for a while, I feel guilty. When I leave her without spending a lot of time with her, I can somehow see disappointment in her eyes. So now I make it a point to see her at least three times a week since she lives so close to me.
This lip liner by P.S. in the color wine goes with me everywhere I go and I imagine it will be a part of my makeup collection for the rest of my life. It’s been a while since my last “taking stock” ;So here goes another one.
Making: my room more of what I’ve always wanted. My new bedroom set comes with two 6 drawer dressers and a leather headboard on the bed. I’ve never really put a lot of effort into decorating my bedroom before so I think it’s about time to do so since eventually I might have to decorate a home (cue Drake’s God’s plan).
Eating: Just ate some tacos for lunch as fuel for the preparation of Easter dinner with the family. I was actually impressed by the tacos at Moe’s Southwest Grill (fun fact: my older brother actually used to work there in high school).
Drinking: water. I try to drink at least a liter of water everyday so that’s my beverage of choice 99% of the time. It’s good for your skin and helps with digestion so get on that H20
Reading: a business book that my brother lent me called The Compounding Effect by Darren Hardy.
Playing: God’s plan by Drake as well as The Weeknd’s new album. I am also a fanatic for soundcloud afrobeats mixes especially for workout music.
Creating: memories with family as always. My niece just started walking last month and watching her grow is still a blessing each and every day.
Wishing: that everyone has a happy and safe Easter holiday.
Enjoying: working evening shift. Any one who knows me knows that I am not a morning person. At my new job I was hired to be evening shift but I had to be training on morning shift. The transition to evening shift has been wonderful for me and my sleep in lifestyle.
Liking: This gel nailpolish I bought. I am not allowed to have manicured hands at work since I have to make intravenous fluids from time to time and nail polish harbors bacteria. However, I am able to have pedicured feet so I bought nail polish for that purpose.
Wondering: when I should schedule my next massage. I have a monthly massage membership since I have a bad back and so far it has been money well spent. Massages have other benefits like decreasing stress and anxiety so definitely consider including it in your life.
Loving: new shoes that I bought from Public Desire (an online store based in the UK) and some from lolashoetique (based in California). If you like platform heeled shoes, UK stores are definitely the place to buy them (yes these shoes are like 5 inches tall but very comfortable).
Hoping: that I will get to travel some for vacation by the end of the year, both locally and internationally.
Marvelling: at how fast this year is flying by. 2018 has been good to me so far. I hope the blessings may continue.
Wearing: a dress that my sister-in-law gave me. I love dresses that don’t require ironing and this is one of them so I am happy to have it.
Noticing: that there’s something powerful about writing stuff down. I’ve journaled quite a bit this year and it’s like therapy to me so I plan to maintain that practice.
Knowing: that there’s always a bigger plan. Life is about the journey, not the destination. Furthermore, Wins and losses are all part of the journey. You can’t always win and you won’t always lose so don’t stress too hard about life.
Thinking: that we should cherish people when they’re with us as being together forever is not always guaranteed. Whether those people are work mates, friends, family, or even teachers, we should make it our duty to be our best selves for each other and especially for our own selves.
Feeling: liberated that I am right where I want to be right now in my life. At peace and truly grateful. Thank you for reading. 🙂 ❤
I recently saw a video of Will Smith explaining how he and his wife were reflecting on the revelations they discovered about love during their marriage. The main revelation that Will shared is that he and Jada realized that your spouse cannot be responsible for your own happiness. He continues to share that someone can make you laugh or make you feel good but no one can make you feel happy. Happiness is one’s responsibility. The minute you place that responsibility on someone else is when you set yourself up for failure.
Will Smith even claimed that the concept that two people become one during marriage is a fallacy. As Frida Kahlo would say, you are the subject you know best so you are best suited to meet your needs. You are on your own journey while your spouse is on theirs. Your role should be supportive like a cheerleader and less of a “parental role”. I think this is why a lot of people complain later in life that they gave up their dreams for their spouse. If you’re trying to be one then merging both of your goals, desires, and interests is not going to be seamless. If you let your partner pursue their goals while you also do the same, there will probably be more success and less resentment in the relationship.
Lastly, Will stated that when you both you and your partner come to each other as full cups already fulfilled with your happiness then the relationship is more fruitful. I’ve noticed over the years in my parent’s marriage that when they both have their hobbies and time to themselves, they are a lot happier with each other. So yes I think Will and Jada are onto something. Maybe that’s why they’ve also aged so well. Low stress and happy marriage probably does equate with better aging so I will be taking this message to heart. If you’re interested in watching the clip of Will Smith discussing this topic, please see the link below. 🙂 ❤
I can’t exactly pin point what year “African culture” started being popular around the world but it’s been an amazing phenomenon to watch. Artists on the continent such as Wizkid and Diamond are collaborating with American artists such as Drake and Ne-yo. I think a lot of us Africans never thought we’d see this happen. We all know that Africa is where humanity originated and in essence, we might all be Africans but the true understanding of Africa is usually lacking in the rest of the world. I can’t point fingers though because what the media portrays (poverty, sickness, and hunger) clouds the true image of Africa (which I can’t even define myself as you just have to see it for yourself).
After watching Black Panther, I am so proud to have some positive representation of Africa on screen. Obviously Wakanda, where the story is set, is a fictional place but the culture was based on true bits and pieces of Africa. For example, the blue blankets that some of the characters wore are actually from Lesotho which is a landlocked country in South Africa. Also, the language spoken (which I could understand a bit due to my time spent in South Africa) is Xhosa. Furthermore, the female warriors are actually based on a real female army in Western Africa. Simply stated Black Panther has made a lot of us proud to be of African descent and that is a really big deal.
Even before Black Panther though, people in the U.S. had started to wear dashikis and African printed prom gowns (the 90s were also notably into African culture with baby names and African braiding being popular). Like I said before, I am not sure when this African trend restarted in the 2000s. However, I can confidently say that Black Panther is the climax of this trend. I can’t wait to see what cross-cultural transfer has in store for us next.
Disclaimer: not all African cultures were depicted in Black Panther so don’t use the film as a way to generalize Africans. We all look different, dress different, eat different etc.
Guka Ndogo’s valentine’s day feature – 2005, Kenya
This coming Wednesday is Valentine’s Day which is one of the highly debated holidays in our society. Some say its a capitalist exploit of love. Others say it’s the only holiday that celebrates romantic love. Most critics usually claim that they show their love to their partner 365 days a year and therefore, Valentine’s day is unnecessary. I think my stance is probably a mix of both. I don’t think Valentine’s day is that important but neither are some of the other holidays we have (Columbus day) yet we still choose to observe them. Either way, the most important thing on Valentine’s day and any other day is to understand what love is as well as what love is not. Therefore, I have come up with 10 personal descriptions of what love is to me.
Love is when my dad clipped my shoe laces in high school because i was lazy and refused to tie my shoe laces when they came untied.
Love is when my mom wakes up at the crack of dawn when we’re hosting parties so she can make all the amazing food that we love.
Love is when my little brother gives me the biggest teddy bear hugs just because.
Love is when my older brother made sure i had spending money in high school.
Love is when my sister in law gifts me all her nice clothes that she no longer wears.
Love is when my baby niece screams with excitement when she sees me after a long time apart.
Love is when my grandfather’s brother (Guka Ndogo) took care of his wife for 40+ years when she went blind. Despite being 95+ years, he died only after his wife passed away. Their renewal of vows on their 50th wedding anniversary was actually featured in the Daily Nation, Kenya’s premier newspaper.
Love is when my best friend would give me numerous car rides in high school when I didn’t have a car. Also, I can never forget that she’s attending 95% of my family’s graduations.
Love is when I take myself out to get a massage and take time out to treat myself.
Love is when I put my heart and soul into writing a blog post that touches someone’s life. On that note, I love all the feedback I get from those who read my blog.
I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s day whether you celebrate it or not! 🙂 ❤
This taking stock blog post is from a blog template that I copied from a Kenyan blogger known as ThisisEss or Sharon Mundia. She also copied it from someone else so I am not sure who is the true creator. Either way, this template really helped break down my 2017 for me. Feel free to use it for yourself.
Making: merry with my family and friends. My family played Secret Santa this year and it was really fun!
Eating: left-over cake that my mom made. My mom is no Betty Crocker in the oven but she knows how to whip up some corn bread, muffins, and little cakes with the help of Betty Crocker cake mixes. I probably got this gene from her cause I am more of an entrée chef than a pastry chef.
Drinking: some almond milk to help the cake digest better. I only drink real milk with tea, milkshakes, and coffee based drinks. I still don’t know 100% if I am lactose intolerant but milk has a lot of fat anyway so I avoid it regardless. I will say almond milk is an acquired taste but an added plus is that its shelf life is longer than that of cow milk.
Reading: “We’re going to need more wine” by Gabrielle Union. I follow Gabrielle on twitter and she seems like an opinionated smart woman (as I also like to think of myself) and so when she came out with her book, I just had to get it. I’ve stopped buying books in attempt to save paper (and the amazon rainforest) so I get books from my local public library. This book was checked out in all the libraries and was booked in advance so I’ve just finally been able to get it and I am liking it so far.
Playing: lots of card games and monopoly. If you’ve ever wondered what is the easiest way to bring a group of people together: card games are the answer. Everyone usually knows at least two card games so you can always learn a new one. My favorite card game would have to be Spades as you play with 4 or 6 people so everyone can have a partner. It’s very strategic and involves some betting so it is a bit more interesting than other card games in my opinion.
Creating: room for new things to learn and do in 2018. One of the things I really want to do is to perform with my guitar at an open-mic night at a local café. I’ve never played my guitar in front of people who aren’t family or friends so this should be a good challenge.
Wishing: I was in Kenya for Christmas so I could be enjoying the equatorial sun and all the partying Kenyans do during December. To put in perspective how serious Kenyans are with their partying, a lot of people end up broke by the time the new year comes and have to eat bread and tea for the whole month of January. From what I hear, it’s usually worth it though.
Enjoying: being at home with my family. The Gulf Coast still experiences some cold during winter but I am super happy that we never get buried in snow. We actually had an inch or two like three weeks ago but it wasn’t really anything significant.
Liking: the present that I got from my Secret Santa. It’s an Anne Klein purse that I am totally in love with.
Wondering: what the new year has in store for me. 2017 went by so fast. There were a lot of good moments, great achievements, and some challenges as well. One thing I’ve learned is that self-care is really important and I was more purposeful in 2017 in taking time to really listen to myself. Sometimes we lie to ourselves to try to protect ourselves but the worst person you can lie to is yourself.
Loving: spending time with my beautiful niece. Watching her grow more and more every day is just pure gold like I could stare at her all day, every day, and never be bored. Even at only one years old, she is so confident of herself so watch out world, we might be raising the next Miss Universe.
Hoping: that I will be able to stick to my health goals in 2018. My dad and I signed up for a gym together with the intent of working out at least three days a week. We haven’t been fully consistent especially with the holidays but in 2018 I hope we’ll be able to stick to a schedule. I also want to play more tennis in 2018. If any of you living in Mobile want to play tennis, please feel free to message me. I am always looking for more players and I am willing to teach those who don’t really know how to play.
Marveling: at how I’ve grown as a person. Of course I don’t mean physically but I have grown 2 inches in the past year so that’s pretty amazing as well (yay late bloomers!). I think I became more of a team player in 2017 and I also figured out what I will not tolerate in relationships (romantic or not).
Wearing: a robe at almost 2PM because if I could live in a robe 24/7 I would. Also, wearing some nice socks that don’t cut off circulation and leave you with streaks on your legs. Good socks are a must in life. I think wearing socks also makes my sleep a 100x better.
Noticing: that only 5 years stand between me and the end of my twenties. May the lord give me guidance on how to approach the next 1,825 days. I don’t take my health and anything for granted so cheers to the 9,184 days that have been blessed with so far.
Knowing: that all that matters is that there’s more in store for me and my life. Life always has a way of surprising us and you have to learn to enjoy those surprises like you’re a one-year-old playing peek-a-boo (fyi that’s how I make my niece smile).
Thinking: about the nice chai latte that I might drink today. If you’re ever in Mobile, AL go to Sartori coffee house, they have the best spicy chai latte that I’ve tasted in a long while.
Feeling: thankful for all the people who frequent this blog. I hope I’ve made you smile, laugh, or helped you learn more about something. I hope you all are enjoying a happy holiday with family, friends, and even yourself. Thank you! See you next year haha! 🙂 ❤
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