on Gold-digging & career women

ms independent
July 2019

When I was in high school and college (of course broke), I would say that I am not a gold digger as I am actually more focused on digging my own gold than anyone else’s. Now as a career woman, I think dating becomes tricky when society views you as accomplished. Any potential suitor usually has to meet a checklist of the usual list: nice to people, family-oriented, but most importantly career-focused. Why? Because nobody wants to sleep on an empty stomach as a result of your husband being fired from his job for the third time. But on the other hand, women are also bashed for wanting a man who is financially secure as we are called gold diggers. So with these conflicting societal views, nobody can win.

This question came up recently on social media where a woman posted a quote saying “stop forcing women to love poor men”. I shared this quote with some male friends and they actually were understanding about this catch-22. Our society wants women to choose an appropriate partner that can provide for a family but we don’t want money to be involved in their decision. Does that even make sense? I don’t think a woman’s thought should be can this man be able to buy a car for me or other grandiose things but at the basic level, a man should be able to help put food on the table for his family (in my opinion). Another flip to this coin is what if the woman herself has wealth or some assets?

I think that if a person has worked hard for their accomplishments, including money, they should not be judged for looking for a partner with similar qualities. Barack Obama didn’t just go into the Chicago streets and marry the finest woman he saw. He looked for the woman who was career-focused just like him. Sure at the time that he asked Michelle out, he was just her intern. But Michelle saw his trajectory and knew he would catch up quickly. So on the same note, there’s nothing wrong with having great consideration for someone’s aspirations because guess what? If you’re shooting for the stars, career-wise, and your potential suitor is just dreaming of a Gucci belt then you might not be compatible. So don’t sell yourself short and accept just any person who locks eyes with you for more than 10 seconds. Look for the person that wows you with their hustle (legal hustles only). I pray that you may all find that person that aligns perfectly with what you deserve. May we all find the Barack to our Michelle or vice versa. 🙂 ❤

What defines a “Cool guy” ft Ciara

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So Ciara was in the mix of some unwarranted comments from a man who has a theory that she is only with Russell Wilson because of his money. The man went on to say that deep down Ciara loves “cool guys” like Future and only settled for Russell. To counter these statements, Ciara posted a photo describing what a cool man is to her. One of the descriptions was that a cool man is “a man that carries himself as though you are in his presence even if you’re not.” I think that’s the statement that really shows that Future is not a cool man because he is not a responsible man. Future disrespected both Ciara and their son by cheating on her. As far as we know, all Russell has done is show Ciara and her son love and respect. So in my opinion, both Ciara and Russell won this argument. I hope they may continue to live happily ever after.

When I read the list of descriptions that make a man “cool”. It also reminded me of the want list that a lot of us have when we’re looking for a partner to spend our lives with. I think Ciara’s list is spot on. I am not sure if this is the list she used when looking for a partner after she broke up with future but it’s pretty clear that Russell has all those qualities. This week I was watching a Kenyan blogger, Ess (Sharon Mundia), who recently got a tv show called “living with ess” on NTV. One of her guests this week was a man who has been married for 7 years and was giving some great dating advice. One of the tips he mentioned is to have a list of what you’re looking for in a partner. He also went on to say that when we write something on a wish list, the more we see it wherever we go. He made this analogy with a phone where you’re interested in a particular phone and everywhere you go, you now start to notice advertisements for that phone. This may have something to do with the “law of attraction” which I can’t speak much about since I haven’t read that book. However, I am sure everyone would like a little help from the universe in getting what they want. 🙂 ❤