Self-love: Love is a Verb.

bday pic 2018I would like to start this post by thanking God for granting me another year on this planet as this was my birthday month. I think this year was one of the best years I have ever had. This year was characterized much maturity and love. Love from others but most importantly from myself. Recently I stumbled upon a song by John Mayer titled “love is a verb”. After looking up the lyrics for the song, I felt like sharing them with everyone I know. But instead of spamming people’s inboxes, I decided to include them as part of this post. So here are the lyrics from the song “love is a verb”.

"Love is a verb
It ain't a thing
It's not something you own
It's not something you scream
When you show me love
I don't need your words
Yeah love ain't a thing
Love is a verb
Love ain't a thing
Love is a verb

Love ain't a crutch
It ain't an excuse
No you can't get through love
On just a pile of I-O-Us

Love ain't a drug
Despite what you've heard
Yeah love ain't a thing
Love is a verb
Love ain't a thing
Love is a verb
So you gotta show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
That love is a verb

You gotta show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
Show, show, show me
That love is a verb

Love ain't a thing
Love is a verb

I hope these lyrics help people to realize that love really is a verb. You can tell who loves you by their actions. In fact, my dad has always told me that “love is taking care”. Taking care of others and most importantly, yourself. Because if your love for yourself is so strong it means that you are taking care of yourself so that you might be able to love/take care of your neighbor/lover as you do for yourself. Thank you all for reading my blog. I do not take your support for granted.  I hope the next time someone tells you that they love you, that you don’t believe them unless they have actually shown that through actions. 🙂 ❤

What is love?

guka valentines day
Guka Ndogo’s valentine’s day feature – 2005, Kenya

This coming Wednesday is Valentine’s Day which is one of the highly debated holidays in our society. Some say its a capitalist exploit of love. Others say it’s the only holiday that celebrates romantic love. Most critics usually claim that they show their love to their partner 365 days a year and therefore, Valentine’s day is unnecessary. I think my stance is probably a mix of both. I don’t think Valentine’s day is that important but neither are some of the other holidays we have (Columbus day) yet we still choose to observe them. Either way, the most important thing on Valentine’s day and any other day is to understand what love is as well as what love is not. Therefore, I have come up with 10 personal descriptions of what love is to me.

  1. Love is when my dad clipped my shoe laces in high school because i was lazy and refused to tie my shoe laces when they came untied.
  2. Love is when my mom wakes up at the crack of dawn when we’re hosting parties so she can make all the amazing food that we love.
  3. Love is when my little brother gives me the biggest teddy bear hugs just because.
  4. Love is when my older brother made sure i had spending money in high school.
  5. Love is when my sister in law gifts me all her nice clothes that she no longer wears.
  6. Love is when my baby niece screams with excitement when she sees me after a long time apart.
  7. Love is when my grandfather’s brother (Guka Ndogo) took care of his wife for 40+ years when she went blind. Despite being 95+ years, he died only after his wife passed away. Their renewal of vows on their 50th wedding anniversary was actually featured in the Daily Nation, Kenya’s premier newspaper.
  8. Love is when my best friend would give me numerous car rides in high school when I didn’t have a car. Also, I can never forget that she’s attending 95% of my family’s graduations.
  9. Love is when I take myself out to get a massage and take time out to treat myself.
  10. Love is when I put my heart and soul into writing a blog post that touches someone’s life. On that note, I love all the feedback I get from those who read my blog.

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s day whether you celebrate it or not! 🙂 ❤

The perils of dating after college

halloween
College Halloween 2012

They say that college is the last place where you’ll have as many opportunities to meet your future mate. So clearly this presents a challenge for those of us who are still single after college. Leaving an atmosphere where there are lots of people available to mix and mingle definitely makes dating after college a lot of harder. Last year I wrote a post about why I don’t really like dating apps like Tinder but this year I can actually say that dating apps can be really useful depending on how you use them. My main grievance on dating apps is that they seem to rush people into getting into a relationship without knowing the person really well. However, after using a dating app known as Bumble that empowers women by requiring women to message the guy first, my mentality has changed (fyi, you can also use bumble to meet people for friendship and not for dating). So let me breakdown my strategy on how you can overcome the struggles of dating after college.

  1. Become more involved in your community. Whether that means joining a volunteer group, church, or whatever tickles your fancy, please do yourself a favor and get out there. You can’t meet anyone while locked up in your house.
  2. Don’t be afraid to make the first move. If you like someone, ask for their number and invite them to hang out sometime. If I am trying to make friends, I usually invite people to play tennis with me. Playing a sport is a great way to know someone and how they deal with frustrations, wins, losses, etc. Also, it definitely helps your heart health lol.
  3. Have an idea of what you’re looking for. Before I started using Bumble and put myself out there to date people, I sat down and typed up a list on my phone detailing what qualities my partner MUST have and qualities I am willing to compromise on. For example, one of my must haves is “a sense of humor” and a quality I am willing to compromise on is height (don’t get me wrong, I like giraffe height just like the next girl but that’s now what makes someone a good person).
  4.  Employ the theory of multi-marketing in your dating life. Multi-marketing is what a lot of self-employment scams are made of: basically, you sell a product to your family and friends while also trying to get them to join you in selling the same product. The person who actually owns the product gets a lot more out of it than the person who is selling it. So my friend, meet people and allow other people to take notice of you (the product in this case). The more people you engage with, the better chance you have that you’ll get a customer. So don’t stick to one potential mate in the beginning stages of dating. Date at least two people at one time (if you can handle it) so that you’re not so disappointed when it doesn’t work out with one of them. If you can’t date multiple people at once, at least try to have other options.
  5. Work on yourself if you are not finding what you’re looking for. I got this tip from a friend and I think it’s a great tip that also goes along with some awesome advice from my father. My father believes that it is better for things to fall into your plate at the right time. Just like a meal starts with an appetizer, entree, and finishes of with a dessert so does your life. So it is better to have your dessert when your ready. In this case, relationships are like desserts so take your time finding the right partner for you. Never rush into things just because you feel lonely. Focus on yourself and practice self- love no matter whether you’re single or taken.

Well, that’s all folks! I wish you all the best in finding and creating love in your life. ❤ 🙂