“still searching”

-originally written on August 15, 2010

That face you make when he says “Let’s just be friends”

So…. I am still searching although saying this at the age of 17 sounds so unfitting. but correction i am not searching for “mr.right” at this point in my life i am searching for “mr.right now” which means i want nothing serious. When I go off to college the fling with whatever person I am with will probably end and I am perfectly fine with that.

To recap on how I got from “Martin” to still searching, I’ll remind u that on the last post I said that we never kissed on the first date which was weird and maybe i sabotaged the date by saying “this is awkward” at the moment where he would have kissed me. So the next day he did not call me which was weird because he always texts or calls me everyday which I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t but this was the day after our first date so i felt like something was off.

I decided to call him the next day if he didn’t call and ask him what was up and if we needed to have the “talk”.  The next day I wake up at 12:00 to a message from Martin saying “want to hang out at the park later” and the next one saying “to talk”.  I texted him back explaining that I am supposed to do  school shopping that day and  I can give him an answer after i ask my dad what time we are going school shopping. My dad says 3:00 so I eat a snack and ride my bike to the park. I find Martin filling his bottle with water. I avoid eye contact and we sit on a concrete bench across from the wooden swing bench we sat on out 1st hang-out outside of the museum. We greet each other and he asks me how my 4,000 word paper is coming along. I say it’s coming. More talk….blah blah blah. And then to cut to the chase because i know at this point he’s not worth the time since he’s ending this, i say “so what was this all for?” and he says “you know because of yesterday, i was thinking that we are just friends, i don’t know how you feel but i thought it would be best to tell you in person instead of being a jerk and telling you on the phone” so i say “well that’s respectable, that’s good”.  I avoid answering the question because if he feels we are just friends after all that has happened then he’s not worth it plus I knew this day would come because we had very few things in common – in fact, we always ended up talking about the same things.

So to change the subject, i say “so you are going to the stand up comedy thing right?” and he says “yes” and i say “that’s good, i don’t think i could have come anyway”. The conversation moves on for like 10 minutes and I want to go home because he is not worth my time anymore. So i say “well i have a lot of stuff to do to day, so i have to go”. Then we hug awkwardly and leave. I go home, call my bestie, and vent telling her that I will be a serial dater from now on-nothing serious maybe even just a make-out partner. No strings attached cause I am too busy right now to even indulge myself.

Edit 2017- In retrospect, I think I’ve stayed true to my serial dater approach as to date, I’ve only been in one serious relationship. I won’t dive into that one as it’s still fresh and you guys are probably tired of these dating series so I promise something different next week.
p.s. the title is a song by Damian Marley not Bob but is in the same family so i guess it’s okay.
To hear one of the Kenyan songs that I am currently listening to that is a dedication to Kenyan love, click the following link: Kenyan Boy by Necessary Noize

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