On cheating and modern day love

halloween 2012

During these past 8 weeks, I’ve been entertained by a show that comes after Game of Thrones (I stopped watching this after season 3 but after hearing about the drama this season, I might re-watch the series someday). The show I am referring to which has much less blood, gore, and sophisticated English is Insecure. I previously dedicated a post  On being an Awkward Black Girl   which is a lifestyle depicted by Issa Rae, the executive producer of the YouTube series Awkward Black Girl which got picked up by HBO as a series now known as Insecure. So as not to ruin the show for anyone, I’ll just say that the plot last season centered around one of the main characters making a one-time mistake and cheating on their significant other who they had been with for more than 5 years. This season centered around the aftermath of that cheating and the introduction of an open relationship between one of the main characters and her childhood friends who is in an open marriage.

As a result, I was inspired to write a post on my thoughts regarding cheating especially in this modern era of open relationships and such. I might come off as a traditionalist when it comes to these views so bear in mind that you don’t have to agree with me. To make it easier I’ll break down my view in the following five points:

  1. If you’re not married, you should not have to compromise on serious issues such as infidelity. To quote Judge Lynn Toler from Divorce Court, your 20s are for firing guys when they don’t act right not for settling on bull crap behavior. Your 20s are for figuring out what kind of man would work for you not for making it work with just any man. For more knowledge that she dropped on this young couple, please click on this link.
  2. If you have to be in an open relationship to make a relationship work, then you should just be single. Of course we all run into drop-dead gorgeous people while we’re in relationships and wish we were single so that we could flirt or entertain some courtship with the Idris Elbas or Halle Berrys of the world. But at the end of the day, you should have boundaries to know that what you see is not what you get and so you should be content with what you already know if the relationship if working.
  3. Physical cheating is easier to forgive than emotional cheating. If the only reason the cheating happened was because your partner was drunk and was caught up in an enticing situation like a gentleman’s club, then you should be more compelled to forgive him as it’s more likely to be a one-off thing. I’ve actually heard of an engaged christian lady who broke-up with her fiance a few months before their wedding just because he went into a strip club. I think that’s a bit extreme as her fiance went for a friend’s bachelor party and was probably pressured to go to the strip club with them. I know religion can greatly influence your moral compass but in most faiths, forgiveness is encouraged. If it was me, I probably would have moved past that situation.
  4. You should not commit to a relationship if your mind still wants to explore other suitors. When we’re young, it’s easy to base our suitors on looks and nothing else. I think this is especially true with young men who have raging hormones and want a different girl everyday. I think this phase is inevitable for most males so if it does happen, I think a guy should be able to recognize it and be diligent enough to not be in a committed relationship during this phase. It’s probably better to get it out of your system when you’re young than to end up being the 60 year old guy who divorces his wife of 30+ years to date a 20 year old.
  5. One thing that I think is really interesting in my generation is the position of side-piece/side-chick/side-dude. Of course, mistresses and extra-marital affairs have existed since the beginning of time but these situation-ships were much more sophisticated back then than they are now. Back then mistresses knew their position and enjoyed the situation for what it was. Today, side-pieces are always ambitious to get higher up the ranks to main chick/main dude or aren’t even away that they are side-pieces. I think it’s probably because guys want girlfriend benefits from their side-pieces without putting in the work of a boyfriend so they string their side-pieces along. As many modern day women have stated, there’s nothing wrong with the side-piece situation as long as both parties are aware of what’s going on. There are many women who also don’t want a serious relationship so it’s probably better for men to be clear about this from the start in order to prevent the inevitable heartbreak that ensues.

This is such a debatable topic so please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.



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