Hello class. My name is Professor W and today I will be teaching you how to slide into someone’s DMs (direct messages) without making a fool of yourself. I am quite experienced in this because I am the kind of girl that doesn’t blink twice at a guy and expect him to understand that I like him. When the blinking fails, I do what the internet has emboldened us to do these days, a practice known as sliding into DMs, which is the modern version of throwing a rock at the person you fancy. I am so excited to talk to you about this because I’ve experienced some terrible DM sliding in my few years of dating life. In order for you to better understand, I’ll break this lesson into two parts: the first being a case study of a very successful relationship that started from the DMs and the second part being a list of major tips to follow when being a DM slider.
Case Study: Banky W and Adesua Etomi
If you are not African, you might not have heard of Banky W (a successful musician and actor) or Adesua Etomi (a beautiful and intelligent actress) who are a Nigerian whose nuptials are the current craze on the continent. To give you the full picture of successful DM sliding, please refer to the amazing pictures below of their glorious weddings…yes weddings because African usually do two weddings (Traditional African wedding and White Western wedding).
I am going to give you a minute to take all that in. Yes both weddings were conducted in Africa, the latter being beside the glorious Table Mountain in Cape Town, South Africa. For each wedding, Adesua had a minimum of 3 outfits all glorious and very original (for example, have you ever seen the bridal party wear all black for a wedding? I’d guess not). Anyway, let me get away from my obsession with their weddings and move on to the meat of the story which is how Adesua and Banky started dating. I am sure you would probably not think that their relationship started from the DMs but yes it did ( my source is Adesua herself who dedicated a post to Banky describing how she kind of friend zoned him initially but now he is her whole world, the man she prayed for, etc). I am sure my male readers are rolling their eyes right now thinking “yeah yeah we know nice guys finish last, tell me how to finish first”. In my opinion, dating for marriage is a long game. Banky W clearly knew this because when Adesua said hey thanks for sliding into my DMs but I am not looking to date, he decided to be her friend and according to Adesua, he became her #1 fan. According to some sources, Adesua was in another relationship when Banky approached her but I can’t vouch for that information because it didn’t come from her. Regardless, the fact that Banky decided to get to know her some more while waiting for the best time to take the friendship to the next level shows that he is a wise man. It also shows that he slid into her DMs without disrespecting her or her possible relationship at the time. This leads me to my first major tip for successful DM sliding.
- Don’t be too forward. I’ve experienced a particularly horrible DM sliding where a guy was telling me that he wanted to raise his kids in my home country, Kenya, and how he wanted to buy me shoes. First of all his approach came off as him trying to show off his wallet and assuming that he can have me because he can afford me. Also, him talking about kids so early was just off putting. So the lesson here is to never sound like you’re completely obsessed with the person you’re trying to court. Start with something light like “hey I noticed your last selfie was at a museum, can you tell me which museum that was?” With such a smooth intro, it’s then easy to move to ask the person out on a date or hang out, perhaps at one of the places you saw they like.
- Be yourself. I think this is another tip that a lot of people forget despite how obvious it is. This is especially common with girls who usually ask their girlfriends what to say to the guy they’re trying to talk to. I’ve also experienced this with a guy who tried to spit poetry to me during his DM sliding and he sounded like a bootleg Shakespeare (like the bootlegs where the movie hasn’t even been edited before you see it). I think it’s very easy for someone to notice that you’re not talking like you usually do so please stop trying to get friends to write what you should say. If the person doesn’t respond to what you say then at least you know you’re not compatible.
- Proof-read your messages. Unless you’re writing slang like holla or whatever, It looks weird when you misspell simple words like “beautiful” or “fantastic”. If you’re not a good speller, then draft your message in a note taking app or look up words when you are not sure about the spelling. I am guessing most of my readers are educated people so please use your education to good use and spell properly. I think this is my worst pet peeve especially when I am in Kenya where some people think it is fashionable to shorten words like good night to good n8e or some variation of that. English is an official language of Kenya please write it properly.
- Respect people’s time. My greatest fear in relationships is wasting my time. Unfortunately in relationships, you can’t reclaim your time as easily like Maxine Waters when other congressmen ramble on her time. However, you can always try to be fair. If you know, you’re too busy for a relationship don’t start talking to people just to pass your time and waste their time. Be fair and tell people hey I am just looking for someone to talk to, nothing serious, because I am very busy right now. Simple as that. Being a nice person is not rocket science. Do better. Don’t waste nobody’s time including yours.
- Communicate. Communicate. Communication helps any relationship whether it be friendship or marriage. We hear it all the time but I don’t think we truly get it. Communication can be as simple as telling someone “hey sorry I didn’t respond to your message until now, I just woke up from a three hour nap” to “hey I am also dating other people, I hope you are okay with that”. I think the more we communicate, the less we hurt ourselves and others. Communication also ties back to respecting people’s time because honesty is a big component of both. So yeah listen to that little voice that tells you to do the right thing. Also listen to a woman when she tells you NO. Don’t keep pursuing her. If she says, let’s be friends, then play the long game and be her friend. If you can’t do that, then leave her alone. As they say in the medical field “above all, do no harm”.
I hope this lesson helped to provide some insight on how sliding in DMs should be done. Sliding in DMs is not a competitive sport so don’t be that guy who hits up 40 different chicks with the same “hey beautiful” line. Let’s all pledge to do better. Thank you Adesua and Banky W for showing us the way. I hope your marriage will be filled with longevity and happiness. : ) ❤