5. Avan Jogia

I think my eyes fell in love with Avan when I first saw him on Nickelodeon’s “Victorious”. His sultry eyes and wind swept tresses definitely drew me in. To me, he has that sweet heart look but with an edge. Like, he can write you poetry but still know how to ride a motorcycle or something dangerous like that. I also follow Avan on twitter (so I can find out when he is single lol just kidding) where he displays his support for those marginalized by society and politics. Overall, Avan Jogia seems like a really cool guy that would always capture a girl’s attention. In case you were wondering, he’s half Indian and half white.

4. Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock

I first fell in love with The Rock when I was less than 10 year old watching WWE and RAW (wrestling shows) with my dad and brothers. I swooned every time he did that face where he raised his eye brows asking if we could smell what The Rock was cooking. I grew up to like him even more when he stopped wrestling and started acting. His roles always presented him as the big muscular guy whose actually a teddy bear on the inside which elevated his appeal to me even more. I follow him on Instagram and I get the vibe that this is his actual persona. Unfortunately, he’s off the market as well but a girl can dream.

3. Will Smith

Will Smith – “The Prince of Bel Air” 1991 Photo Credit: Harry Langdon_Shooting Star

I think all of us 90s girls all have or had a crush on Will Smith especially from watching “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”. Will had the looks, the height, and the funny charm that most girls desire in a man. Similar to The Rock, it does also seem that Will is actually funny in real life and is a truly hard working man as one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood. The fact that he has a family and is a family man puts him off the market but definitely singles him out as #baegoals.

2. Idris Elba

The name “Idris” alone springs up mystery and desire to know more about the man behind the name. The fact that Idris is British and has that oh so delightful accent elevates his appeal into infinity. His ability to act with much skill and pull of an equally admirable American accent is eve more impressive. Lastly, his interest to push himself to learn new skills such as boxing, DJing, and producing makes him a modern renaissance man. It seems that Idris gets better with age and so do his looks (#teamsaltandpepper). I look forward to seeing what else he ventures into.

1.Morris Chestnut

I am sure a lot of you are wondering why Morris Chestnut is #1 on my list. Well, Morris caught my eyes since the start of “The Best man” movie series where he was young and had hair. Since then, I believe he is the embodiment of tall, dark, and handsome. He also keeps his personal life out of the limelight which adds some mystery to his persona. As such, he pulls off the “I’m a grown man” vibe very well and I think that is what most of us ladies want in a man. I never thought the words morris and chestnut could come together to have such appeal. This goes to show that sometimes the name does not make the man as the man decides the fate of his name.

Feel free to comment If I left out a major man crush of yours. 🙂 ❤

YOU ARE ART. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The way you breathe and live is art. No one can do it like you. So love yourself as such. Treat yourself like the rare Mona Lisa and protect yourself from people with the wrong energy.  If someone says you love yourself too much that says more about their self-esteem than yours.

If you are a creator, create for yourself before blessing others with your gift. As some of you may know, I dabble in painting. When I first drawing portraits, I was inspired to paint other people some of whom disappointed me because they didn’t appreciate it enough. Therefore, I decided to be my own muse and started painting myself. I remember that during that time, one of my male friends came to visit and upon seeing the painting, he questioned why I was painting myself instead of other people. I found his question weird because he owned a blog and wrote a lot about his life story so as an artist he should have understood that you do not have to apologize for self-love.

I don’t know if this is a male ideology but I always laugh at the thought that women should not acknowledge their own beauty. The thought that women should be humble because “there are supposedly more beautiful women out there” that they should not celebrate their beauty. This reminds me of the One Directions lyrics for their song “beautiful” where they state “you don’t know that you’re beautiful, that’s what makes you beautiful”. In my opinion, that’s a load of crap. A woman who recognizes that she is beautiful should be more attractive than a woman who has self-esteem issues.

Anyone who recognizes their beauty, male or female, is infinitely more beautiful than those who are afraid to acknowledge theirs. So let us all love ourselves louder. If someone tells you that you’re too proud, tell them they’re not proud enough. Remember even Beyoncé has haters but even she doesn’t let them stop her from showering herself with the best maternity photo shoots.

 In this society of fast relationships and mistrust, one thing that we’re all hopelessly searching for is unconditional love. However, the way I’ve seen this play out is sometimes irrational. For example, in my relationships this has played out as a way for the person you’re dating to excuse their flaws. We’ve all heard of people saying or said so ourselves that we can’t love someone who doesn’t accept us for who we are. But what happens if you have a tragic flaw such as addiction? Should you still expect your love interest to love you unconditionally? It’s selfish but we usually always expect people to love us unconditionally. But doesn’t the person who wants better for you actually love you more than the person who is alright with your tragic flaws.

Take God for example (if you believe  in a higher power), God loves us all unconditionally but he expects us to strive to be more like him. We were all created in his likeness and he expects us to please him by following his word (The Bible). Most of us accept and understand this so when we sin, we repent, and aim to do better. Why? Because there’s this thing called hell that we fear but most importantly because we know that our relationship with God will improve when we stop engaging in things that God does not approve of. So in that case why is it difficult for us to accept constructive criticism from our significant others on why we can improve as individuals and as their partner.

Some people say that if you put God first in a relationship, there’ll be less conflict. I tend to agree because if you’re both striving to be better for God then you’ll be even better for each other. I recognize that this applies more to heavy issues like addiction, laziness, and gluttony which are sins and applies less to issues like your partner chewing loudly. However, those lesser issues are things that we can tolerate and live with.  So my advice would be to keep God first in your relationship and the rest will take care of itself.

I would like to put a disclaimer that even if someones claims to be putting God first, you should judge them by their actions and not by their words. For example, if you’re dating someone with drinking issues and he claims to put God first yet he still drinks to a stupor, then it might be time to call it quits and find someone who is truly committed to improving himself. For my non-religious people, you can take religion out of this and still stick to the principle of striving for greatness for both you and your significant other.

As you may know from one of my first posts, drinking irresponsibly is one of my turn offs. Feel free to share your turn-offs below.

Shout out to black twitter because nobody knows how to shade other people like black people (cue Maxine Waters and her no non-sense attitude). The real MVP of black twitter this week is the tweet above addressing Jay-z new album which confirms that he cheated on Beyoncé and the implication of that cheating. To really dissect this topic, I would like to revisit the scandal of April when Carmelo Anthony (basketball player for the New York Knicks) stated that the reason he cheats on his wife, Lala, is because she is married and he is not. Let’s run that again, he said that his wife who he walked down the isle with is married but he is not. Either there’s something wrong with the water in New York cause Jay-z hails from Brooklyn or these men have some mental retardation. But the worst part is that apparently Carmelo has been cheating for a long time with Lala knowing about it and this month, she dropped the divorce to continue in her half-sided marriage.

Just to make sure y’all don’t think this is a black phenomenon, let’s cue Hillary and her man Bill ( I don’t even need to drop the last name here). Bill embarrassed Hillary with his cheating on a national scale and she still took his sweet talking presidential butt back (some may argue Hillary did it because she had her eyes on the prize but considering she lost the election last year, girl was he worth taking back?!)

So let’s revisit that tweet. It drives the point home that “cheating isn’t about who women are but who men are allowed to be”. Men are allowed to gaze at other women. Men are allowed to come home late and say they spent the evening at the office. Men are allowed to go on so called business trips when you know he’s at the hotel downtown with another woman. Men are allowed to disrespect marriage while women are pushed to uphold it all costs. That’s not fair. If we’re married, we’re both married. We both state vows that are supposed to be upheld in sickness and in health, till death do us part. If you cheat in a marriage that should be considered death and us women should walk away with our dignity in tact and hopefully a nice alimony check.

I am tired of this “he cheated and she still stayed” narrative. It’s a narrative that is as old as Adam and Eve. Just as God punished Adam and Eve for cheating him with Satan, there should be a consequence for cheating in marriage. Maybe there should be a separate hell for those who cheat that is like 50 degrees higher than normal hell. Who knows what the solution is but all I know is that if my future husband cheats on me that will be my cue to throw his clothes out on the lawn and change the locks cause he won’t be welcome in the house ever again.

Today’s post is inspired by friendship and in my world less is more, so I’ll break down the three types of friends you need. Three is a good number to have as it evens out with your inclusion so nobody feels left out. To drive my points home I’ll use examples from 90s shows I used to watch such as Living Single displayed in the picture. I am currently re-watching Girlfriends which is an iconic show as well and a bit more relatable because it aired in the 2000s when shoulder pads were no longer a thing.

However, despite the fact that the shows were set in two different eras, the personality of the characters are very similar. So to make this easier I’ll break down the characters into the four types of characters you need in your friendships with one of the characters being you.

The straight-shooter

In Living Single, you had a high strung lawyer named Maxine who was a tom boy and was crude in her humor. She was also very focused on her career and claimed that wasn’t looking for love. I have to admit that I never finished the series but I do remember that she had a friends with benefits situation who was clearly perfect for her but denied her feelings due to her pride. Based on this description, you might ask yourself why you need a friend like this. The answer is simple, straight shooters always think with their head not their heart so they’re the best people to give you advice although you must take their relationship advice with a grain of salt.

The level-headed one

Undoubtedly, the most level-headed character in Living Single was Khadijah, ironically played by Queen Latifah. She happened to be the  realest person on the show as she had good relationships with everyone and was the glue to the girl squad. This type of friend is necessary as she keeps everyone in check when they take things to far without sounding too harsh. Most often times, this person also happens to be the mother of the group so everyone often turns to them when they’re in a crisis. Unsurprisingly, this is also the person that everyone else is closest too. So if you fail at having more than one friend, make sure this is the person you have in your line (I would say circle but you need four people for that haha).

The bougie one

Every friend based show has a bougie (translation: uppity) friend in its circle, in Living Single it was Régine whose real name was Regina but of course bougie people try to make their names sound more chic. This is also evident in Girlfriends, where the bougie friend goes by Toni when her real name is Antoinette. Despite how annoying the bougie friend can be as they seem to value material possessions more than anything else, they can be valuable in helping you figure out what to wear and any type of shopping activity from buying a new duvet to a new condo. These friends are also selective about the men they date in terms of their net worth so if you’re looking for a millionaire, they’re the friends that you turn to. On the flip side, their savings are probably non-existent and they’re probably at greatest risk of getting bankrupt so take their shopping advice with a grain of salt.

The optimist

This is the friend that sees the world through rose colored glasses. In Living Single you had Synclair who was a little bit slow but maintained a constant good nature. She never stayed mad at anyone and was always chipper to a fault. You might find such a friend annoying sometimes but it’s good to have them when you’re in a dark corner of your life. They help you stay grounded and always help you see the silver lining. However, these friends usually don’t make good planners as they expect everything to work itself out so you should take their ideas with a grain of salt.

The main point of this post is that we need different types of people in our lives as they’re all useful in different situations. However, you should always understand their flaws as well so you know what to and what not to expect from them.

If you were amused enough by these characters to watch the shows. They can be found on youtube at the following links:
Living Single: https://tinyurl.com/ycjb9qc6

Girlfriends: https://tinyurl.com/yax5fcps