Lifestyle – Page 11

The Jay-z and Beyoncé cheating saga and its implications on modern day love

July 2, 2017

Screen Shot 2017-07-02 at 12.52.06 PM

Shout out to black twitter because nobody knows how to shade other people like black people (cue Maxine Waters and her no non-sense attitude). The real MVP of black twitter this week is the tweet above addressing Jay-z new album which confirms that he cheated on Beyoncé and the implication of that cheating. To really dissect this topic, I would like to revisit the scandal of April when Carmelo Anthony (basketball player for the New York Knicks) stated that the reason he cheats on his wife, Lala, is because she is married and he is not. Let’s run that again, he said that his wife who he walked down the isle with is married but he is not. Either there’s something wrong with the water in New York cause Jay-z hails from Brooklyn or these men have some mental retardation. But the worst part is that apparently Carmelo has been cheating for a long time with Lala knowing about it and this month, she dropped the divorce to continue in her half-sided marriage.

Just to make sure y’all don’t think this is a black phenomenon, let’s cue Hillary and her man Bill ( I don’t even need to drop the last name here). Bill embarrassed Hillary with his cheating on a national scale and she still took his sweet talking presidential butt back (some may argue Hillary did it because she had her eyes on the prize but considering she lost the election last year, girl was he worth taking back?!)

So let’s revisit that tweet. It drives the point home that “cheating isn’t about who women are but who men are allowed to be”. Men are allowed to gaze at other women. Men are allowed to come home late and say they spent the evening at the office. Men are allowed to go on so called business trips when you know he’s at the hotel downtown with another woman. Men are allowed to disrespect marriage while women are pushed to uphold it all costs. That’s not fair. If we’re married, we’re both married. We both state vows that are supposed to be upheld in sickness and in health, till death do us part. If you cheat in a marriage that should be considered death and us women should walk away with our dignity in tact and hopefully a nice alimony check.

I am tired of this “he cheated and she still stayed” narrative. It’s a narrative that is as old as Adam and Eve. Just as God punished Adam and Eve for cheating him with Satan, there should be a consequence for cheating in marriage. Maybe there should be a separate hell for those who cheat that is like 50 degrees higher than normal hell. Who knows what the solution is but all I know is that if my future husband cheats on me that will be my cue to throw his clothes out on the lawn and change the locks cause he won’t be welcome in the house ever again.

Ten things I learned from my Dad

June 18, 2017

If you know my dad, you know that he is sometimes known for taking the autocratic route which might have something to do with him working as a high school principal in Kenya for over 15 years. One of his closest friends always makes it a point to talk about my dad’s “there’s one thing we must agree” principle. Basically, it’s a principle he uses when he wants you to take his way or the highway but instead of saying of that, he says what he wants by opening the conversation with “there’s one thing we must agree” which literally means you have to agree with him. Fortunately, the “must agree” talk was not necessary for the following ten things that I learned from my dad. Throughout my experiences, I naturally arrived to the conclusion that he was right about the ten following ideas:
1. Always protect your heart. My dad strongly believes that love is a choice so you can only blame yourself if you fall for the guy that is clearly not for you.
2. Never date someone just because you’re lonely. Too often we get caught up by our primal instincts during “mating season” and get a bae for the sake of it. Do yourself a favor and don’t be that person.
3. If you’re with a person who tries to push you to do things you don’t want to do, they’re not the one for you.
4. Love is 90% respect; if you don’t have respect in your relationship, it’s doomed to fail.
5. The definition of love is “taking care”. This reminds me of Le Petit Prince where the pilot tells the prince that you have an obligation to take care of those you love. This can be as small as taking your wife’s car to the car wash to planning a holiday together.
6. You must also take care of yourself so that you sustain yourself. If you’re not in good health, you can’t take care of anyone. If that means treating yourself every once in a while, go ahead and treat yourself.
7. Good posture is a must. They way you walk communicates how confident you are to others.
8. It’s always important to have a hobby; all work and no play makes you a dull person.
9. Considering my dad used to stay up late to help me decorate my science fair posters, he instilled in me the principle of working smarter not harder.
10. Gossip is for the feeble minded. Smart people discuss ideas not what other people are doing.

The 3 friends you need in your life

June 4, 2017

living singe — From the iconic show “Living Single”

Today’s post is inspired by friendship and in my world less is more, so I’ll break down the three types of friends you need. Three is a good number to have as it evens out with your inclusion so nobody feels left out. To drive my points home I’ll use examples from 90s shows I used to watch such as Living Single displayed in the picture. I am currently re-watching Girlfriends which is an iconic show as well and a bit more relatable because it aired in the 2000s when shoulder pads were no longer a thing.

However, despite the fact that the shows were set in two different eras, the personality of the characters are very similar. So to make this easier I’ll break down the characters into the four types of characters you need in your friendships with one of the characters being you.

The straight-shooter

In Living Single, you had a high strung lawyer named Maxine who was a tom boy and was crude in her humor. She was also very focused on her career and claimed that wasn’t looking for love. I have to admit that I never finished the series but I do remember that she had a friends with benefits situation who was clearly perfect for her but denied her feelings due to her pride. Based on this description, you might ask yourself why you need a friend like this. The answer is simple, straight shooters always think with their head not their heart so they’re the best people to give you advice although you must take their relationship advice with a grain of salt.

The level-headed one

Undoubtedly, the most level-headed character in Living Single was Khadijah, ironically played by Queen Latifah. She happened to be the realest person on the show as she had good relationships with everyone and was the glue to the girl squad. This type of friend is necessary as she keeps everyone in check when they take things to far without sounding too harsh. Most often times, this person also happens to be the mother of the group so everyone often turns to them when they’re in a crisis. Unsurprisingly, this is also the person that everyone else is closest too. So if you fail at having more than one friend, make sure this is the person you have in your line (I would say circle but you need four people for that haha).

The bougie one

Every friend based show has a bougie (translation: uppity) friend in its circle, in Living Single it was Régine whose real name was Regina but of course bougie people try to make their names sound more chic. This is also evident in Girlfriends, where the bougie friend goes by Toni when her real name is Antoinette. Despite how annoying the bougie friend can be as they seem to value material possessions more than anything else, they can be valuable in helping you figure out what to wear and any type of shopping activity from buying a new duvet to a new condo. These friends are also selective about the men they date in terms of their net worth so if you’re looking for a millionaire, they’re the friends that you turn to. On the flip side, their savings are probably non-existent and they’re probably at greatest risk of getting bankrupt so take their shopping advice with a grain of salt.

The optimist

This is the friend that sees the world through rose colored glasses. In Living Single you had Synclair who was a little bit slow but maintained a constant good nature. She never stayed mad at anyone and was always chipper to a fault. You might find such a friend annoying sometimes but it’s good to have them when you’re in a dark corner of your life. They help you stay grounded and always help you see the silver lining. However, these friends usually don’t make good planners as they expect everything to work itself out so you should take their ideas with a grain of salt.

The main point of this post is that we need different types of people in our lives as they’re all useful in different situations. However, you should always understand their flaws as well so you know what to and what not to expect from them.

If you were amused enough by these characters to watch the shows. They can be found on youtube at the following links:
Living Single: https://tinyurl.com/ycjb9qc6

Girlfriends: https://tinyurl.com/yax5fcps

On the “romphim” and the fragility of male masculinity

May 21, 2017

0CE3A083-831F-41A5-8B6C-021462E61282-3578-00000406C25C687E I find it interesting that my timeline this week was flooded with debates about the Romphim. When I first saw the concept of a male romper, my reaction was simple. I thought what a cool idea. I even thought maybe it was something that Kanye or Jaden Smith came up with and why I didn’t think of it. The first pictures I saw of nicely bodied men wearing them piqued my interest further in supporting this new gender norm breaking style. However, for the hundreds of supportive posts concerning the Romphim, there were thousands of posts bashing any male who would even consider wearing a romphim.

I’ve always known that male masculinity is very fragile but I was shocked that a male jumpsuit such as those men wear in prison but the “short” version would cause so much controversy just because it’s compared to the very feminine female romper. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be a man yearning to breathe free and express himself but being barraged with policing from other men. Is the box that defines what a man is so small that a man wearing a romper is automatically less of a man? Based on the responses from the romphim debacle, it seems that box is smaller than we even thought.

This debacle even inspired me to consider that the new miss USA might be right in doing away with the word feminists and taking up the word equalist. Let’s fight for fair treatment for all of us not just being one-sided in our missions. Let us speak out for injustice for all. Today I speak out for the injustice of men in their dressing of choice. So there you go boys, wearing a romper doesn’t make you any less of a man. If anything it makes you a more adventurous person.

Lessons I learned from my Mother

May 14, 2017

Every situation is temporary so you must never linger on difficult times.
Attitude is everything in life.
You can never predict the future. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I should always pray for God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Saving even a little every day for a rainy day is necessary.
Friends are important but family is priceless.
It is better to have a few loyal friends than a squad of fake friends.
When you encounter classless people, never stoop down to their level.
My mom who refers to herself as the black princess Diana taught me that you should always regard yourself as royalty. If you don’t see yourself as a queen, who will?

Fun fact my mom is actually named after Queen Jedidah, mother of King Amon of Judah in the bible.

Cheers to many more mothers’ day to come and many more lessons to learn from my queen.

13 Reasons why I love my parents

May 7, 2017

Because they left a country where they were comfortable and settled in their careers so their children could have all the opportunities that life in America offered
Because despite having to start from the bottom upon arriving to America, they always made sure that we never missed a meal
Because despite having to go back to school and juggling multiple jobs, they still helped us with our school work when we needed it
Because despite having to go back to school past 35 years of age and juggling multiple jobs, they still graduated with honors
Because when I had hard days in pharmacy school, I thought of them and how they succeeded in their education despite having to care for 3 children and work 2-3 jobs
Because they chose opposite work schedules so that we would always have one parent with us in the house even if that meant that they would see each other less
Because no matter how close the bus stop was to our house, our dad still insisted us on driving us in the morning and picking us up in the afternoon so that he could ensure our safety
Because my dad signed me up for science camps in the summer so that I could gain more exposure to STEM fields
Because my dad would organize outings for us even if my mom couldn’t make it, due to work, so he could bond with us
Because my dad gave up higher paying jobs that required him to always be traveling so that he could be with his children and help them with their homework
Because even when we went all to college, they were still involved in our grades and continued to be supportive
Because my parents continue to love and respect each other as they teach us about what makes relationships successful
Because they never forget where they came from and who helped them along the way

My Spiritual Journey (No propaganda involved)

April 30, 2017

Within the past year starting in Spring 2016 up to now, I have accepted almost every opportunity that I could get to explore my spirituality. Since my freshman year of college, I challenged myself to learn more about the bible and Christianity as I did a weekly bible study with my spiritual advisor at the time. As we continued with bible studies, propositions of getting me baptized were presented but I never felt ready to make that big leap into being saved and the strict lifestyle associated with it. The other reason was that I realized that I am more of a spiritual person rather than a religious one. I don’t believe Christianity is the one and only way to getting into heaven, paradise, nirvana, or whatever you want to call it. I think that all religions have validity and so I started to Identify myself more with a new faith called Bahaism which is centered around multiethnic inclusivity and belief in the commonality of all religions (i.e peace, love, and community).

When I told people that I was Bahai, they thought I was in a cult or some made up religion but to be honest, any of the religions we have in existence could be made up. Even though I considered myself Bahai since freshman year, I didn’t know any other Bahais to orient me to the culture and faith. Unlike other faiths, Bahais usually meet once a month to worship together either in their temple or someone’s house so I felt shy to go to their meetings. It wasn’t until fall 2015 that I contacted the Boston Bahai group through their website requesting to be connected with the Bahai youth. I have to say Bahais are very resourceful and can match you other Bahais anywhere in the world. They responded to me within 24 hours and I was invited to a devotional by one of their youth leaders. One of my good friends and roommate at the time was nice enough to tag along despite being a devout Christian as she was scared that this “crazy cult” would abduct or brainwash me. However, the people turned out to be very nice and the devotional was mainly reading some of the writings of Bahá’u’lláh (the founder of Bahaism) and singing from a hymn book (written by other Bahais from around the world). I also got to learn a bit more about how Bahai leadership works and was impressed by the fact that the nine leaders of Bahai are actually elected by the Bahais themselves. I attended two more devotionals and someone even gifted me a prayer book for women. However, after 5 months of being a somewhat devout Bahai, I decided that I wasn’t connecting to the faith. Understanding Bahá’u’lláh’s writings was kind of difficult considering that he wrote them in the 1800s. The writings also kind of seemed cult like to me as he sometimes writes as if he is a manifestation of God. To put that simply, he seems to think that God is speaking through him.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that Bahá’u’lláh’ thinks himself as a manifestation of God considering that Bahaism is based on the belief that all the religions are based on different interpretations of the same God. Simply put, the Hindus, Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, etc all saw the same God but perceived him/her differently. If you understand anything about perspective, it does make sense. There’s no way we could all be visited by God and all view him the same way. However, I think what separates Bahaism from Christianity, which I grew up with, is that Bahá’u’lláh’ wrote the books for Bahaism whereas the Bible was written by multiple people so it can be interpreted as more reliable than a guy claiming to be getting direction from God and writing books praising himself.

Due to the less credible history of Bahaism and my inability to connect with the readings, I decided to go back to Christianity. My parents, especially my mom, was delighted that I was now sticking to the family religion. I started to read the bible again and even decided to get baptized in the protestant way (in total submission of water rather than my infant baptism in the catholic church where the priest sprinkles water on your face). Even though I now affiliate with Christianity, I still don’t believe that Christianity is the supreme of all religions. I still believe other religions have validity. My decision to be Christian is based on what makes most sense to me and what best facilitates my connection with God. I am not the most devout and I am still a sinner but I feel at peace now being confident in what I believe in. This journey of self-exploration with regard to spirituality was worth it and I would recommend it to everyone.

War. What is it good for?

April 16, 2017

If you’ve heard the song “War” by Edwin Starr, you would know that the answer to the question of what war is good for, is “absolutely nothing”. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having an Uber Driver from Syria and my aversion to small talk led me to ask him about whether he still has family in Syria. He responded “yes” and I proceed to ask if his family is okay. His response made me feel like the most insensitive person ever as he stated that his family is all dead, his brothers, everyone. Of course, I said “I am so sorry” multiple times but I felt that it was best not to continue the conversation as he looked like he was on the verge of tears trying to gaze his eyes away from me.

I can’t imagine how it must feel to lose your family over a pointless war. To be honest, I think all war is pointless. The people caught up in the fighting are usually innocent, while those orchestrating murder and torture sit in their mansions as they continue to abuse their power. I can’t even begin to fathom how someone can fervently support a war while knowing that several innocent people, including children, will die. I hope there’s a special place in hell for people like that. I know according to christianity, sin is sin, no matter how big or small but I think the sin of war should be far greater than most; like I think the corner of hell for those who promote war should be increased a couple 100 degrees higher than the rest haha.

Don’t worry, I won’t bring the orange president Mr. Trump into this. As much as some of us despise him, he is not the first to air strike other countries and he probably won’t be the last. I know wishing for peace is cliche and is a classic beauty pageant answer to “how can the world improve?” But yeah, I think peace can take us very far. Just look at how war has held us back (those of us who don’t have stocks in military related companies). The U.S. alone spent billions on the “war on terror” only to find out there that there weren’t any “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq. Like how stupid is that?! And after all this, you would think we would learn our lesson and stop meddling in the Middle East. But no, the same cycle of war continues.

I wonder how war lords go to sleep at night knowing that their actions directly lead to the death of innocent lives. Is maintenance of money and power that important that war becomes just another day at the office? What do you tell people like my Uber Driver who have to live without their family that they loved so dearly just because someone wanted more power. I can’t even imagine the pain that my Uber Driver has been through but I commend him for his strength and hope. For the fact that he somehow finds meaning in his life to continue another day of work and another day of living without his family.

Get to Know Me Tag

April 2, 2017

What is your middle name?

Muthoni, it means in-law

What is your favorite color?

Blue, any variations but mostly baby blue

Who was your first best friend?

My cousin who was pretty much my twin growing up. We had matching outfits and everything.

How tall are you?

I used to be 5’4 for the longest but had a little late blooming last year which puts me at 5”6 now.

Cats or Dogs?

Cats because they leave you alone for the most part. I also think most cats are Scorpio and I am a Scorpio too haha

Funniest moment throughout School?

When I was growing up in Kenya, we used to get hit with a ruler if we acted up. Most students used to cry but I was a born rebel so I used to laugh while the teacher slapped my hands with the ruler. 😛

How many countries have you visited?

I guess 3 if you count Kenya and U.SA. As you can tell from my blog, I’ve visited South Africa in the past but it’s such a big country, I didn’t get to see it all.

Are you in/gone to college?

Both. I got my bachelors in pharmacy last year and this year I’ll get my Doctorate in pharmacy aka PharmD

What was your favorite/worst subject in High School?

My favorite subject was English world literature cause I liked interpreting poems and other writing. I choked up on my oral analysis of Martin Luther Kings’ I have a dream speech but I still got a 5 on my IB English score. Worst subject became IB Math because I hated vectors and writing papers about math problems. Thank God for a guy named Ryan who helped us with all of our Math papers!

What is your Favorite drink?

Spicy chai latte. Starbuck’s doesn’t even get it right. Only middle eastern or East African cafes get it right usually.

What is your favorite animal?

Cheetah. Cause they’re super-fast and have beautiful print. Also, they’re cats as you can refer to #5.

What is your favorite perfume?

It changes depending on the season. For summer, Marc Jacobs Daisy. For winter, Chanel Mademoiselle. For spring, J’adore.

Tea or Coffee?

Tea as described in #10. I only drink iced coffee drinks such as Frappuccino with a lot of chocolate chips. I am too caffeine sensitive so, I stay away from expressos and such.

What would you (or have you) name your children?

I am one of those people who is pro-adoption, so if the kid comes with a name, we’ll stick to that. Otherwise, for a boy, I would go with Oscar who will be nicknamed Ozzy and if a girl, Sierra Leone, like the country. I think the latter would make for a nice model name which is what I would probably try to encourage in my children if they came out tall and with good bone structures lol.

What Sports do you play/Have you played?

I played tennis and cross country in high school. I don’t do as much running as my knees are weak but I did go play tennis last weekend. Freshman year of college, I played intramural badminton but despite my partner and I sucking, we still made it to the semifinals my default as our opponents wouldn’t show up for the games.

What is your favorite book?

Americanah by Chimamandah Ngozi Adichie. She also has great prose about being a feminist and she’s just an overall bad ass writer.

Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?

Jamie and Nikki, an interracial Australian couple who seem really sweet and are pretty interesting people (he’s a videographer and she’s an ex-model, who is now pursuing nursing).

What is your favorite movie?

Used to be Titanic but would probably be “Dope” which is a great coming of age film. I remember crying at the closing scenes of Titanic. Based on the new debate that Rose and Jack could have both fit on the plank, I have become a bit jaded towards the movie. If you haven’t seen “Dope”, I highly recommend it.

Are you Single or Taken?

Taken by me, myself, and I haha. Seriously though, I am not looking for a relationship.

Whats your idea of an ideal first date?

Anything that’s not the typical dinner date or involves water. A hot air balloon ride would be nice.

How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

All I’ll say is that the number is less than 5. I am not very big on dating. I might become an old spinster lol.

Favorite memory from childhood?

Going to the country clubs every weekend, riding horses, and boats. Eating really well grilled meat and fried mukimo (you have to be Kenyan to know what that is but google is at your service).

Do you speak any different languages and how well?

Swahilli-proficient. French and Spanish-conversational. I also understand Kikuyu and Kamba but I don’t speak them due to some auditory and verbal memory mismatch haha.

Do you have any siblings?

Yes, two brothers who serve as my body guards. Good luck figuring out who’s older.

How would you describe your fashion sense?

My fashion spirit animal is Rihanna. I am not afraid to take risks and try new things.

What is your favorite restaurant?

It used to be Zea’s in Mobile, AL but since its unfortunate closing, I’ll have to go with Teranga in Boston which serves very delicious Senegalese food including goat and fish. Sometimes, they also have African beer.

What are some of your favorite tv shows?

I just recently started watching “This is Us” which I think is very well thought out. I also watch a British TV show called some girls.

PC or mac?

I started out as a PC girl with a sony laptop being my first but most of them have led to disappoint so I toughed it out and bought a mac last year. I think the shelf-life and speed is much better so its money well spent.

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

Started out with Android and loved all the phones I ever had. Due to an unfortunate accident in 2015, I switched to Apple. The camera is great but I miss my music. L

Tell us one of your bad habits!

One of my bad habits is getting so absorbed in something that I don’t hear others when they try to talk to me. This happens to me all the time when I am at home and my family hates it. I guess I’ll try to work on this.

My thoughts on Black History Month

March 6, 2017

stevebiko — Steve Biko- one of the martyrs of South African Apartheid

As someone who had to take an Introduction to African American History course in college to actually learn more than the few paragraphs of black history that we learn in Elementary and High school, I have come to appreciate any opportunity that presents more learning about the history of my race. Of course, in Kenya I did learn Kenyan history and we didn’t have a month devoted to that as we are all Kenyans there. So in comparison, I find Black History Month to not be enough as a significant portion of history has been lost or hidden (I think hidden is more appropriate because if I could learn a lot more in college, a lot more can be taught at all levels of schooling).

My experience with Black History Month, especially in high school, was that we would discuss the same ten people every year (Martin Luther King Jr, Madame CJ Walker, Rosa Parks, and I am sure you can name the rest). I don’t understand why Black History Month needs a poster boy: MLK and poster girl: Rosa Parks. I think each year we should try to highlight more and more African Americans that we have never heard of, such as Robert Smalls who became a sea captain during the civil war which led President Lincoln to accept black soldiers in the war. I had to go to college to learn about Robert Smalls as well as about the black bourgeoisie and the industrial prison complex which constitutes modern day slavery of minorities who are disproportionally imprisoned as compared to whites (if you don’t believe me read The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander).

This year I celebrated Black History Month by watching I Am Not Your Negro which highlights James Baldwin’s involvement in the civil rights movement and his relationships with the key figures of that time, namely Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, and Medgar Evers. I also watched Hidden Figures during Christmas which helped me to learn about other black women who contributed to NASA’s advancements (as I already knew about Mae Jemison who was the first black female astronaut and is included in that list of the 10 people we hear about every black history month). Maybe if I had learned about Katherine Johnson, the mathematical genius behind the calculations for the trajectories to the moon, I would have been inspired to choose a career in Math or engineering instead of health sciences. However, the movie was inspiring to me even as a pharmacy major where there are not many black students at my school and it sometimes feel like we have to work twice as hard to get the same acknowledgement. Hidden Figures definitely touched my heart on several levels including the balance of career and family that we women often have to worry about. During moments of wanting to give up, I now tell myself that if these women could achieve what they did in segregation era, I can also find a way.

And that’s exactly why I think learning about other characters in the scheme of black history is so important. We need continuous inspiration and therefore, we must widen the spectrum of black history from the 10 key figures that we always talk about to the infinite number of characters that we can learn about.

I don’t think this is the appropriate time to reveal that I also watched Get Out yesterday and despite the era of a black president, racists do exist and the use of black people as vessels of labor, tools stripped of their humanity, is not new. However, the movie is just so well-written and nuanced that I recommend everyone to watch it. Sure it is a horror film and has nothing to do with black history, except for the fact that similar gruesome things have happened to black people throughout history but I won’t mention which since that might give away the story.

As we are now in March and Black History was quintessentially awarded the shortest month of the year, I do hope that all of you were able to learn something new this year about someone other than the aforementioned 10 figures that we usually reuse and recycle. If not, why not use the rest of the year to do the same as time is in fact relative.