I think when it comes to black girls and women, society has this preconceived notion about who we are supposed to be. This stereotype has the greatest disservice to those of us, I would argue the majority of us, who do not fit that mold. We are supposed to be strong, loud, and opinionated when some of us, like myself, consider ourselves awkward black girls because we don’t fit into these self-limiting roles. In 2011, we were blessed with a youtube series known as “The Mis-Adventures of Awkward Black Girl” by Issa Rae which showed us black women in a more authentic light.  Issa Rae proved to us that it was okay to not fit into what society defined as a black woman.

I swear I am Issa Rae’s biggest fan right now because I follow her on all her social media outlets and I also read her autobiography which has the same title as her youtube series. I would strongly recommend reading her autobiography because it helps you understand Issa Rae’s awkwardness better. I totally connected with the fact that she grew up in Senegal and the U.S. as I migrated to the U.S in the 4th grade which was a totally awkward experience especially with people not understanding my accent and me not understanding theirs. Similar to Issa, I never knew how to do the popular dances like the “Superman” which is a let down cause “black people are supposed to know all the cool dances”. To this day, my go to dance is the cupid shuffle because all the steps are outlined in the song which makes it quite simple to follow.

I also related to the awkward relationship phase that Issa went through where she thought she had to cheat in a relationship because she assumed the guy would cheat on her.  (I had a similar love defense mechanism which I talked about in my post “still searching”). Issa’s cheating behavior is brought up in her now HBO syndicated series renamed “Insecure” (probably to not pigeon hole the show with the name Awkward Black Girl but I ain’t mad at her hustle). If you haven’t followed the series, do yourself a favor and get on it (even if you have to mooch with friends that do have HBO). I am so proud of Issa’s journey as it goes to show that black women who do not fit into society’s misconceived stereotypes can still make it by being true to themselves.

As you may have not noticed amongst my short dresses and well-crafted hair and make-up, I am a well-seasoned tom boy. My style has become girly over the years but I’ve been a tom boy since childhood. If you want me to prove it, I can show you the scars from racing people on the track, my warning slips from elementary school from associating with a group of rambunctious boys, my lack of poise and avoidance of the color pink for the majority of my life.

So I am sure you are asking, how is life as a tom boy? Don’t you worry because this post will highlight both the advantages and short-comings of associating more with the male species.

1. Less Drama– It is well known that boys are less inclined to have grudges and start gossip as compared to females. I can verify that this is true and I do appreciate my male relationships for this but with one caveat. As a tom boy, it’s all guns and roses until one of your male friends decides to fall in love with you. I have experienced this phenomenon over the years and can attribute it to the dwindling numbers of my male homies as dudes tend to jump ship once they realize that they’re in the “friend-zone”.
2. No need to impress– As we all know, females love competition when it comes to how you dress, how you beat your face, how you cook, how you breathe, etc. I think this is just second nature with being a female and maybe this is what helps females to advance in life into woman-hood, where gossip and fake smiles become second nature. With dudes, they don’t try to impress each other for the most part unless the discussion is about cars and football/soccer. For the most part, dudes are laid back and fart freely around each other without batting an eye. So yes, if I want to hang out with one of my male homies, I could care less what I am wearing and don’t even care to put on perfume most of the times (don’t judge, Chanel Mademoiselle is not cheap).
3. Becoming Fluent in Guy Talk– If you’re dating a guy or trying to flirt with a guy, it can be very difficult to decode their language. Like when do you know when a guy is being shy or not interested. But after hanging around for more than a week with guys, you become fluent in their language. You know when they just want to be left alone or when their sad that you’re not giving them enough attention. Therefore, dating the male species does become easier which I’ll explain further in the next point.
4. Help with Dating- Hanging out with other dudes definitely increases one’s exposure to the opposite sex and can lead to getting hooked up with a dude in no time. This means no need for tinder or Facebook stalking guys so you can show up at the next invite that they RSVP’d to. Instead, guys glow freely for tom boys and you always have your male representatives to put in a good word for you unless they also have a crush on you, which then means they’ll make sure to c***block any dude who comes near you.
5. Increased Savings– I think it’s safe to say that most female activities center around money (catching up over lunch or dinner, going to the movies, and of course SHOPPING). Guys are very economical when it comes to food- the cheaper the better. They save their money for big items- cars and electronics and they hate shopping for the most part. Furthermore, when hanging out with guys, you can wear the same outfit for three years and none of them would care. Therefore, hanging out with guys is directly correlated to increased savings.

So ladies, I would advise you to get a group of male friends to make your dating and financial life better.  For those of you who are seasoned tom boys, like me, feel free to comment with your experiences to add to anything I might have missed.