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The vulture and the little girl

May 28, 2017

The vulture and the little girl As Nyadak lifts her head, trying to muster energy to continue her crawl to the feeding site, a vulture descends from the sky and lands a few feet behind her. The bird watches her every move waiting for her emaciated limbs to drop. This year of 1993 has had one of the best feeding seasons for the vultures in South Sudan as the civil war brought famine and famine brought death. Nyadak’s head now hangs low as she remembers the skeletons that remained of her family cattle when vultures swarmed from the sky to devour the last remains of their rotting flesh. She realizes this could be her fate as well considering that she has not eaten for five days, unless she counts the termites she managed to catch after the rain two days ago. Her only hope today was making it to the feeding site as she had heard a plane dropping food from the sky during the night before. A tear falls from her face as her hands are now starting to buckle from weakness. She has been crawling for the past two hours now since her bone-thin legs could no longer withstand her weight after four hours of non-stop walking. Both her hands and knees burn in pain from the heat and soil digging into her skin. Nyadak musters a scream hoping to scare the vulture away but the bird still looks on with stoic eyes.

She manages to lift her head and her wet eyes are now filled with hope as she identifies a white figure walking towards her with a bag in his hand. She thinks that the white man, now opening his bag, is about to save her from the vulture and from the suffering in South Sudan. However, the man opens his bag to retrieve not food but a camera as he envisions this scene on the cover of National Geographic.

Nyadak is 7 years old but her starved frame leads the photographer to think that she is half her age. With her head now back on the hardened grey soil and the vulture still looking on from a few feet away, he manages to get a good shot. However, he is not satisfied with the lighting and goes on to adjust the settings on his camera. After twenty minutes of tweaking his camera and snapping more shots, he is now confident that he has the perfect photo. He approaches the girl and she thinks that he is now going to save her. Instead, he walks past her, scares the vulture away, and continues walking further and further away. In his mind, he’s done the best he can as his photo of the vulture and the little girl can do more for procuring relief for the millions of hungry souls in Sudan than offering the girl a helping hand to the feeding site. For further consolation, he remembers that he was advised not to touch the people as diseases such as leprosy and meningitis were rampant in the area.

Nyadak looks back at the vanishing figure with sadness in her eyes. However, worse things have happened to her. A month ago, rebel soldiers invaded her home during the night and terrorized her family. The soldiers stole the little food the family had left before kidnapping her two sisters and then shooting her parents to death. Nyadak survived only because she had ventured against her mother’s wishes to use the outhouse in the dark. While crouching in the outhouse, she heard the last screams of her parents and the continuous cries of her sisters. Their cries faded more and more as the rebel’s truck sped off in the night. She stayed still in shock and never cried back. She continued crouching until day break as if she was frozen in time. She had fallen asleep while crouched and was awakened only by the sound of her belly roaring for food.

Her belly now roars again as she looks up to see the vulture shrinking into a small fluttering figure in the sky. Unlike her, the vulture has several prospects for a meal.

With the thought of her sisters and parents still fresh on her mind and heart, Nyadak continues on her crawl.

NB: This story is based on a real event that happened in 1993 during another famine in Sudan. The photographer, Kevin Carter, merely took the photo and left the girl to struggle. In 1994, he won a Pulitzer prize for the photo and was subjected to a lot of criticism for not helping the girl. Later that year, he committed suicide which mentions being haunted by memories of starving children. The full story on the photo and his suicide letter can be found on the following website: http://rarehistoricalphotos.com/vulture-little-girl/

On the “romphim” and the fragility of male masculinity

May 21, 2017

0CE3A083-831F-41A5-8B6C-021462E61282-3578-00000406C25C687E I find it interesting that my timeline this week was flooded with debates about the Romphim. When I first saw the concept of a male romper, my reaction was simple. I thought what a cool idea. I even thought maybe it was something that Kanye or Jaden Smith came up with and why I didn’t think of it. The first pictures I saw of nicely bodied men wearing them piqued my interest further in supporting this new gender norm breaking style. However, for the hundreds of supportive posts concerning the Romphim, there were thousands of posts bashing any male who would even consider wearing a romphim.

I’ve always known that male masculinity is very fragile but I was shocked that a male jumpsuit such as those men wear in prison but the “short” version would cause so much controversy just because it’s compared to the very feminine female romper. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be a man yearning to breathe free and express himself but being barraged with policing from other men. Is the box that defines what a man is so small that a man wearing a romper is automatically less of a man? Based on the responses from the romphim debacle, it seems that box is smaller than we even thought.

This debacle even inspired me to consider that the new miss USA might be right in doing away with the word feminists and taking up the word equalist. Let’s fight for fair treatment for all of us not just being one-sided in our missions. Let us speak out for injustice for all. Today I speak out for the injustice of men in their dressing of choice. So there you go boys, wearing a romper doesn’t make you any less of a man. If anything it makes you a more adventurous person.

Lessons I learned from my Mother

May 14, 2017

Every situation is temporary so you must never linger on difficult times.
Attitude is everything in life.
You can never predict the future. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I should always pray for God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Always hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Saving even a little every day for a rainy day is necessary.
Friends are important but family is priceless.
It is better to have a few loyal friends than a squad of fake friends.
When you encounter classless people, never stoop down to their level.
My mom who refers to herself as the black princess Diana taught me that you should always regard yourself as royalty. If you don’t see yourself as a queen, who will?

Fun fact my mom is actually named after Queen Jedidah, mother of King Amon of Judah in the bible.

Cheers to many more mothers’ day to come and many more lessons to learn from my queen.

13 Reasons why I love my parents

May 7, 2017

Because they left a country where they were comfortable and settled in their careers so their children could have all the opportunities that life in America offered
Because despite having to start from the bottom upon arriving to America, they always made sure that we never missed a meal
Because despite having to go back to school and juggling multiple jobs, they still helped us with our school work when we needed it
Because despite having to go back to school past 35 years of age and juggling multiple jobs, they still graduated with honors
Because when I had hard days in pharmacy school, I thought of them and how they succeeded in their education despite having to care for 3 children and work 2-3 jobs
Because they chose opposite work schedules so that we would always have one parent with us in the house even if that meant that they would see each other less
Because no matter how close the bus stop was to our house, our dad still insisted us on driving us in the morning and picking us up in the afternoon so that he could ensure our safety
Because my dad signed me up for science camps in the summer so that I could gain more exposure to STEM fields
Because my dad would organize outings for us even if my mom couldn’t make it, due to work, so he could bond with us
Because my dad gave up higher paying jobs that required him to always be traveling so that he could be with his children and help them with their homework
Because even when we went all to college, they were still involved in our grades and continued to be supportive
Because my parents continue to love and respect each other as they teach us about what makes relationships successful
Because they never forget where they came from and who helped them along the way

My Spiritual Journey (No propaganda involved)

April 30, 2017

Within the past year starting in Spring 2016 up to now, I have accepted almost every opportunity that I could get to explore my spirituality. Since my freshman year of college, I challenged myself to learn more about the bible and Christianity as I did a weekly bible study with my spiritual advisor at the time. As we continued with bible studies, propositions of getting me baptized were presented but I never felt ready to make that big leap into being saved and the strict lifestyle associated with it. The other reason was that I realized that I am more of a spiritual person rather than a religious one. I don’t believe Christianity is the one and only way to getting into heaven, paradise, nirvana, or whatever you want to call it. I think that all religions have validity and so I started to Identify myself more with a new faith called Bahaism which is centered around multiethnic inclusivity and belief in the commonality of all religions (i.e peace, love, and community).

When I told people that I was Bahai, they thought I was in a cult or some made up religion but to be honest, any of the religions we have in existence could be made up. Even though I considered myself Bahai since freshman year, I didn’t know any other Bahais to orient me to the culture and faith. Unlike other faiths, Bahais usually meet once a month to worship together either in their temple or someone’s house so I felt shy to go to their meetings. It wasn’t until fall 2015 that I contacted the Boston Bahai group through their website requesting to be connected with the Bahai youth. I have to say Bahais are very resourceful and can match you other Bahais anywhere in the world. They responded to me within 24 hours and I was invited to a devotional by one of their youth leaders. One of my good friends and roommate at the time was nice enough to tag along despite being a devout Christian as she was scared that this “crazy cult” would abduct or brainwash me. However, the people turned out to be very nice and the devotional was mainly reading some of the writings of Bahá’u’lláh (the founder of Bahaism) and singing from a hymn book (written by other Bahais from around the world). I also got to learn a bit more about how Bahai leadership works and was impressed by the fact that the nine leaders of Bahai are actually elected by the Bahais themselves. I attended two more devotionals and someone even gifted me a prayer book for women. However, after 5 months of being a somewhat devout Bahai, I decided that I wasn’t connecting to the faith. Understanding Bahá’u’lláh’s writings was kind of difficult considering that he wrote them in the 1800s. The writings also kind of seemed cult like to me as he sometimes writes as if he is a manifestation of God. To put that simply, he seems to think that God is speaking through him.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that Bahá’u’lláh’ thinks himself as a manifestation of God considering that Bahaism is based on the belief that all the religions are based on different interpretations of the same God. Simply put, the Hindus, Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, etc all saw the same God but perceived him/her differently. If you understand anything about perspective, it does make sense. There’s no way we could all be visited by God and all view him the same way. However, I think what separates Bahaism from Christianity, which I grew up with, is that Bahá’u’lláh’ wrote the books for Bahaism whereas the Bible was written by multiple people so it can be interpreted as more reliable than a guy claiming to be getting direction from God and writing books praising himself.

Due to the less credible history of Bahaism and my inability to connect with the readings, I decided to go back to Christianity. My parents, especially my mom, was delighted that I was now sticking to the family religion. I started to read the bible again and even decided to get baptized in the protestant way (in total submission of water rather than my infant baptism in the catholic church where the priest sprinkles water on your face). Even though I now affiliate with Christianity, I still don’t believe that Christianity is the supreme of all religions. I still believe other religions have validity. My decision to be Christian is based on what makes most sense to me and what best facilitates my connection with God. I am not the most devout and I am still a sinner but I feel at peace now being confident in what I believe in. This journey of self-exploration with regard to spirituality was worth it and I would recommend it to everyone.

On metrosexual men and modern day love

April 23, 2017

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So I’ve been fortunate to have only dated a couple metrosexual men especially considering that I am a tom boy and could not be bothered with high maintenance lifestyles. If you haven’t had the pleasure of interacting with a metrosexual man, then think of a man with borderline “feminine” grooming tendencies but with the sexual preference for the opposite sex. Two major clues about a metrosexual man is his eyebrows and fingernails. Eyebrows is the major clue because most men don’t get their eyebrows done and if they do it’s just a little trim, whereas metrosexual men take it to the next level with defined arches and no stubble. Well-groomed fingernails, even to the point of getting a mani-pedi, is another indicator of metro-sexuality, unless he is just blessed like my two brothers who won the lottery when it comes to beautiful nails.

I don’t have any statistics to share and I don’t think any research has been done on this but I think grooming standards for men has decreased over time. Just think 1950-1970s era where men would wear oxford shirts and slacks with dress shoes every day. Hair grooming was also a big deal especially with the 1970s when everyone carried a hair pick around to keep their afro well shaped all day. These days most guys wake up sniff one of the t-shirts on the floor and wear it with the same pants they’ve been wearing all week. The only thing most guys care about these days is their shoes, whether it means shelling hundreds of dollars on the new Yeezys or Jordan’s (FYI, I think both of them are ugly and prefer standard sneakers like Adidas or puma).

However, as much as I hate the lack of effort that most guys display these days in terms of their grooming, I would still not want to end up with a metrosexual man. Like I said before I am not high maintenance for the most part, like my make-up routine takes 15 minutes maximum, and I go for a mani-pedi once every blue moon (although I do keep my nails nicely cut and clean). Dating a metro-sexual man puts too much pressure on me to pull all the stops in my grooming and dressing whereas I think it should always be the opposite dynamic where the woman upgrades the man (cue Beyonce’s upgrade you). However, on the opposite side, I have dated one guy who needed serious upgrading and the more I tried to help him out, the more he resented me. Therefore, my theory when it comes to dating is that you should date the person who can keep up with you in terms of grooming and dressing.

War. What is it good for?

April 16, 2017

If you’ve heard the song “War” by Edwin Starr, you would know that the answer to the question of what war is good for, is “absolutely nothing”. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of having an Uber Driver from Syria and my aversion to small talk led me to ask him about whether he still has family in Syria. He responded “yes” and I proceed to ask if his family is okay. His response made me feel like the most insensitive person ever as he stated that his family is all dead, his brothers, everyone. Of course, I said “I am so sorry” multiple times but I felt that it was best not to continue the conversation as he looked like he was on the verge of tears trying to gaze his eyes away from me.

I can’t imagine how it must feel to lose your family over a pointless war. To be honest, I think all war is pointless. The people caught up in the fighting are usually innocent, while those orchestrating murder and torture sit in their mansions as they continue to abuse their power. I can’t even begin to fathom how someone can fervently support a war while knowing that several innocent people, including children, will die. I hope there’s a special place in hell for people like that. I know according to christianity, sin is sin, no matter how big or small but I think the sin of war should be far greater than most; like I think the corner of hell for those who promote war should be increased a couple 100 degrees higher than the rest haha.

Don’t worry, I won’t bring the orange president Mr. Trump into this. As much as some of us despise him, he is not the first to air strike other countries and he probably won’t be the last. I know wishing for peace is cliche and is a classic beauty pageant answer to “how can the world improve?” But yeah, I think peace can take us very far. Just look at how war has held us back (those of us who don’t have stocks in military related companies). The U.S. alone spent billions on the “war on terror” only to find out there that there weren’t any “weapons of mass destruction” in Iraq. Like how stupid is that?! And after all this, you would think we would learn our lesson and stop meddling in the Middle East. But no, the same cycle of war continues.

I wonder how war lords go to sleep at night knowing that their actions directly lead to the death of innocent lives. Is maintenance of money and power that important that war becomes just another day at the office? What do you tell people like my Uber Driver who have to live without their family that they loved so dearly just because someone wanted more power. I can’t even imagine the pain that my Uber Driver has been through but I commend him for his strength and hope. For the fact that he somehow finds meaning in his life to continue another day of work and another day of living without his family.

On Chivalry and Modern Day Love

April 9, 2017

As mentioned in my previous post on dating, I have gone on a few tinder dates and due to my disappointment, I deleted the Tinder app. However, I did keep interacting with one guy that I had previously connected with on Tinder before deleting it. To this date, I have gone on three dates with him and I recently queried my Snapchat followers on whether I should continue interacting with him or “go ghost on him” which means deleting his number and never answering his texts (the adult version of “playing dead” haha).

One of my complaints of the guy, who happens to be Nigerian but speaks with a British accent for some reason, is that he is not chivalrous. Example A, for the past three dates, I have always put my card on the table after the bill comes and he never stops me, like a normal African would. Like, African men are so chivalrous when it comes to paying for dates that even if you’re not dating them, they still will. For example, one of my good Nigerian guy friends always pays for my movie ticket when we go to the cinema despite the fact that he’s too young for me and we’ll never date.

So I was very perplexed, when this guy continued to let my pay my way for the dates. Don’t get me wrong, I am a feminist and which is why I don’t assume that he’ll pay for me. However, for African dating, the expectation is that the man will usually pay for dates, at least during the initial encounters. An African guy (raised in America) on my Snapchat, brought up an interesting point that Tinder is not for courting; it was created for hookups and therefore, a guy should not be expected to be chivalrous.

I do not agree with the point he raised as my one of my first dates on Tinder was very romantic (picture me and the guy watching the beautiful Boston skyline by the Charles River). To add to this, imagine the guy opening my car door and allowing me to get in and out before he closes it for me. I didn’t expect this from him but this just goes to show that there are men out there who are on Tinder but are still chivalrous. To add insult to injury for this unchivalrous Nigerian man, when he dropped me off at my house, he didn’t even wait for me to get in the house before speeding off. That is what hit the nail on the coffin for me. Even Uber drivers have the courtesy to wait for girls to get in the house before driving off. I think it is one of the things that can show you how caring a man is. So with his repertoire of lack of chivalry and caring for my safety, I bid the Nigerian guy fare well and he marks the end of my Tinder dating.

Recently, I read a magazine article featuring Priyanka Chopra who is 34 years old, amazingly beautiful (she won Miss World in 2000), and is surprisingly single. When asked about her yearn to get married, she replied that she doesn’t force relationships to happen as most of her life success and where she is now has happened due to serendipity. So for her, there’s no point in stressing about a man; he’ll come into her life when he’s meant to come. That thought process put me even more at ease about being single. I am not going to date anyone for the sake of dating: that’s a waste of my time. So here’s to waiting for Mr. Right!

P.S. I know everyone’s theory on chivalry is different, so feel free to comment with your thoughts about my experiences or yours.

Get to Know Me Tag

April 2, 2017

What is your middle name?

Muthoni, it means in-law

What is your favorite color?

Blue, any variations but mostly baby blue

Who was your first best friend?

My cousin who was pretty much my twin growing up. We had matching outfits and everything.

How tall are you?

I used to be 5’4 for the longest but had a little late blooming last year which puts me at 5”6 now.

Cats or Dogs?

Cats because they leave you alone for the most part. I also think most cats are Scorpio and I am a Scorpio too haha

Funniest moment throughout School?

When I was growing up in Kenya, we used to get hit with a ruler if we acted up. Most students used to cry but I was a born rebel so I used to laugh while the teacher slapped my hands with the ruler. 😛

How many countries have you visited?

I guess 3 if you count Kenya and U.SA. As you can tell from my blog, I’ve visited South Africa in the past but it’s such a big country, I didn’t get to see it all.

Are you in/gone to college?

Both. I got my bachelors in pharmacy last year and this year I’ll get my Doctorate in pharmacy aka PharmD

What was your favorite/worst subject in High School?

My favorite subject was English world literature cause I liked interpreting poems and other writing. I choked up on my oral analysis of Martin Luther Kings’ I have a dream speech but I still got a 5 on my IB English score. Worst subject became IB Math because I hated vectors and writing papers about math problems. Thank God for a guy named Ryan who helped us with all of our Math papers!

What is your Favorite drink?

Spicy chai latte. Starbuck’s doesn’t even get it right. Only middle eastern or East African cafes get it right usually.

What is your favorite animal?

Cheetah. Cause they’re super-fast and have beautiful print. Also, they’re cats as you can refer to #5.

What is your favorite perfume?

It changes depending on the season. For summer, Marc Jacobs Daisy. For winter, Chanel Mademoiselle. For spring, J’adore.

Tea or Coffee?

Tea as described in #10. I only drink iced coffee drinks such as Frappuccino with a lot of chocolate chips. I am too caffeine sensitive so, I stay away from expressos and such.

What would you (or have you) name your children?

I am one of those people who is pro-adoption, so if the kid comes with a name, we’ll stick to that. Otherwise, for a boy, I would go with Oscar who will be nicknamed Ozzy and if a girl, Sierra Leone, like the country. I think the latter would make for a nice model name which is what I would probably try to encourage in my children if they came out tall and with good bone structures lol.

What Sports do you play/Have you played?

I played tennis and cross country in high school. I don’t do as much running as my knees are weak but I did go play tennis last weekend. Freshman year of college, I played intramural badminton but despite my partner and I sucking, we still made it to the semifinals my default as our opponents wouldn’t show up for the games.

What is your favorite book?

Americanah by Chimamandah Ngozi Adichie. She also has great prose about being a feminist and she’s just an overall bad ass writer.

Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?

Jamie and Nikki, an interracial Australian couple who seem really sweet and are pretty interesting people (he’s a videographer and she’s an ex-model, who is now pursuing nursing).

What is your favorite movie?

Used to be Titanic but would probably be “Dope” which is a great coming of age film. I remember crying at the closing scenes of Titanic. Based on the new debate that Rose and Jack could have both fit on the plank, I have become a bit jaded towards the movie. If you haven’t seen “Dope”, I highly recommend it.

Are you Single or Taken?

Taken by me, myself, and I haha. Seriously though, I am not looking for a relationship.

Whats your idea of an ideal first date?

Anything that’s not the typical dinner date or involves water. A hot air balloon ride would be nice.

How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had?

All I’ll say is that the number is less than 5. I am not very big on dating. I might become an old spinster lol.

Favorite memory from childhood?

Going to the country clubs every weekend, riding horses, and boats. Eating really well grilled meat and fried mukimo (you have to be Kenyan to know what that is but google is at your service).

Do you speak any different languages and how well?

Swahilli-proficient. French and Spanish-conversational. I also understand Kikuyu and Kamba but I don’t speak them due to some auditory and verbal memory mismatch haha.

Do you have any siblings?

Yes, two brothers who serve as my body guards. Good luck figuring out who’s older.

How would you describe your fashion sense?

My fashion spirit animal is Rihanna. I am not afraid to take risks and try new things.

What is your favorite restaurant?

It used to be Zea’s in Mobile, AL but since its unfortunate closing, I’ll have to go with Teranga in Boston which serves very delicious Senegalese food including goat and fish. Sometimes, they also have African beer.

What are some of your favorite tv shows?

I just recently started watching “This is Us” which I think is very well thought out. I also watch a British TV show called some girls.

PC or mac?

I started out as a PC girl with a sony laptop being my first but most of them have led to disappoint so I toughed it out and bought a mac last year. I think the shelf-life and speed is much better so its money well spent.

What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?)

Started out with Android and loved all the phones I ever had. Due to an unfortunate accident in 2015, I switched to Apple. The camera is great but I miss my music. L

Tell us one of your bad habits!

One of my bad habits is getting so absorbed in something that I don’t hear others when they try to talk to me. This happens to me all the time when I am at home and my family hates it. I guess I’ll try to work on this.

On Marriage: are we all just scared to be lonely?

March 26, 2017

Screen Shot 2017-01-07 at 1.04.19 PM — surfing in South Africa

This post is also inspired by a song which I discovered this week just randomly looking at the posts on my soundcloud feed. The song is appropriated titled “scared to be lonely” as it describes a relationship that starts with great physical chemistry but as it progresses, both parties realize that there might be somebody better for both of them. However, both parties hang on to the relationship and the singer questions whether the only reason they keep coming back for more, is because they’re both scared to be lonely. When I first heard the song, I kept playing it on repeat for the whole day as the singer’s vocals are just amazing and it has a bit of a EDM type beat which I am sometimes into. If that’s up your alley, I’ll post the link to the video below.

But to move on to the substance of the song, I think the lyrics speak volumes about some of the relationships I’ve observed and even been a part of. I think in this day and age of Tinder and other similar apps, where most of us are focusing on the people’s looks, we tend to value the physical quality of the person rather than the substance of who they are. I also think that when we do find someone we sort of like and other people aren’t pursuing us, we tend to settle for what is most convenient. Most of the time, we don’t think that it will be a serious thing but slowly the “feelings” creep up and soon enough you’re an “item” with someone. They’re nice and usually the relationship is easy but deep down inside, both of you know that you weren’t each other’s first choice. Sometimes this leads to marriage because everyone else around you is tying the knot and you both decide why not?! You both deny the fact that you settled for less for as long as possible but deep down you both know that the emotional chemistry is not there. Some decide to stick to their marriage partner, especially when kids are involved but others eventually make a decision to walk out to find what they really wanted in the first place.

I have observed this scenario in enough couples to make it a significant phenomenon and I think maybe this is why divorce rates are increasing in the world, especially in the U.S. I think the moral of the story is dating someone just because you’re lonely is a recipe for disaster. I am naturally a very picky person when it comes to dating and that’s why I personally don’t think the “scared to be lonely” mentally applies to me. From the time that I was proper dating age (18 in an African household), my father instilled in me the principle that “you shouldn’t date someone just because you’re lonely”. When my parents met, they both sort of friend-zoned each other and eventually, when they were both single, they decided to date. Their marriage is almost 30 years strong and I believe their foundation of friendship is the secret to the longevity of the relationship. From this realization, I have deleted Tinder and have stopped shopping around for a guy based on how tall he is or much weight he can lift at the gym. So 2017, here’s to friendship and not being scared to be lonely.